A personal moment.

I want to get serious with you all for a moment. I’d like to speak openly, and candidly to you all about a problem that has affected me all of my life.

I am over-weight. I believe the correct medical term for me is obese. Two years ago, I weighed 317 lbs. My highest weight ever was when I was pregnant, and I topped out at 330. When my ex-husband walked out on me, I got angry. I told myself that I could loose the weight, and it would show him not only what he lost, but that I could survive and more importantly, that I could thrive without him. I joined an online weight loss forum, and began working out 5 days a week. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I would walk for 70 minutes on my treadmill in the basement of my house. On Tuesday & Thursday, I would either do a step aerobics DVD or a weight training DVD. It wasn’t easy, my goodness some days it was hard to get motivated, but I did it.

Unfortunately the time came when I needed to find a job. My ex wasn’t sending any money andhe wasn’t paying the mortgage. When I scored my position at MyCompany™ it required a 3 hour, round trip, daily commute. I would leave at 6am on the dot, and not arrive home again until 7-7:30 in the evening. It was all I could do to eat something reasonably healthy and fall into bed. Needless to say, my exercise regimen suffered and I stopped loosing weight. The good news though, is that I didn’t gain any of it back. I just maintained what I was.

Once I moved down closer to work, and things calmed down, I began walking with one of the girls I work with twice a day. In all honesty, that’s about the only exercise I get. I come home, make dinner, and either browse the ‘net or read a book and then go to bed. I do not lead what you could call an active lifestyle. I had not really changed my eating habits, but I was trying very seriously to take smaller bites, chew thoroughly, and not eat while distracted. No reading or TV watching while I was eating.

A few months ago, my boss started back on to Weight Watchers. She was really excited about the whole experience, and I noticed other people in my department getting inspired by her lifestyle changes. I started to wonder if maybe they weren’t on to something. I spent some time talking to my boss, Deb, and started to get a basic understanding of what the program was all about. When they announced that we would begin offering Weight Watchers classes at work, I ran to get signed up. Unfortunately we fell shy of the requisite 15 people for the program, so they cancelled it. In the meantime, I had put into practice some of the tips I received from Deb, and from my online research.

I haven’t really changed my diet, although I am trying to eat more fruit & veggies, not snack between meals, not to eat after dinner, drink plenty of water, and cook at home more often. I have also been learning Tai Chi Chi Gong on Fridays during my lunch break. This past Friday was my 2nd lesson. I’m not sure if it’s psychosomatic or if the Tai Chi is really working, but on Friday night and Saturday I felt fantastic. I’m looking into also doing family Yoga  on the weekends with Bert®. I think that not only will that reduce my stress levels, it will increase my flexibility, and it’s bonding time with my baby.

I was looking at pictures of myself from 3 years ago, when I was visiting my sister for her college graduation. I was disgusted by the way I had looked back then. I compared those pictures to some more recent ones, and it began to sink in. The things people have said to me over the past few months ran through my head and I began to think: I have lost weight. I look better than I have in years. I still have this mental image in my head of being this frumpy, dumpy fat girl. I wonder if that will ever go away, or if I will always struggle with self image issues? I weighed myself on Tuesday morning and was startled to see the #’s on the scale. I started to realize that I need to be proud of myself for what I have done.

I have lost 70lbs in two years.

For the first time in my adult life, I not only weigh less than 300lbs, but I am now just under 250lbs. I have about 78 more to go to reach my ultimate goal weight of 170 lbs. I am amazed at how easy this all has been. I’m frustrated that I didn’t start this sooner. I’m so proud of myself. There was no surgery, no pills, no magic. Just a little bit of physical activity, and some better eating choices.

I don’t think I will be disappointed if I don’t reach my goal. I have ultimately bettered my health for the long term, and I can work at continuing to maintain my weight loss.

I wanted to share this with everyone, not only because I’m proud of myself, but because anyone can do this. It is never too late to take the steps to a healthier lifestyle.

Music is the universal language.

I went to Dollywood on Thursday with Mr. Nascar. I was supposed to travel to Texas on Thursday with Piano Man, to see his son graduate from the Air force, but he couldn’t get all the arrangements made in time, nor come up with the $$ it would cost to travel there and back. I had made reserve plans with Mr. Nascar, which seems kind of weird to me, in hindsight. I was upfront with him that there was a possibility that Texas would be a go, and therefore our plans would be on hold. He said he was ok with that, since we had plans for Sunday after I returned.

As I mentioned, Piano Man cancelled on me, so after dropping Bert® at school on Thursday morning, I met Mr. Nascar at our usual place, and we headed up to Sevierville in my car. I was terribly excited because it’s the Festival of Nations going on right now. I missed it last year, and really was looking forward to seeing the Irish Dancing. I warned Mr. Nascar that there was a lot of “cultural” stuff I wanted to do, and told him he was welcome to browse around the park or partake of the rides while I was doing this. He declined and said since we’d come together, we’d do stuff together. I will have to give the man bonus points for that, and for enduring the show without a peep. It was fantastic. I enjoyed every minute of it.

There is something about music that moves me. Not just physically, although often I catch myself bopping to a hot beat, I mean music often can drastically alter my mood. A fun, upbeat song can improve my outlook on life, a sad tune can turn me melancholy. Think about a scary movie, the scary parts are frightening because of the suspenseful music. Sitting in that darkened theatre, hearing the soaring Celtic music, and watching the dancers feet slap, tap, and stomp to the music made me realize that music, in some form is truly a part of every culture. It is the universal language through which we all can communicate.

Take Opera for example. Usually sung in Italian, the majority of us do not understand the words they are saying. Through the music and the visual acting, most can usually get the point of the Opera, if not feel the emotion they are trying to portray. How many times have you heard music, and unconsciously started tapping your feet or fingers to the beat?

After the Irish dancing, we saw traditional Mexican dancing. I was struck by the similarities between the two cultures. Sure the music sounded different. The Irish dancing was infused with drums, violin and guitar, while the Mexican dancing added a new flavour with a trombone and an acordion. At their most primal level, both types of music were just beats with which the dancers could tune their bodies to.

I am amazed by the ability of music to endure through the generations, merge & transform with the changing times and influence of other cultures, and still on occasion touch us to our very souls. American music isn’t ‘American’ at all. Well, it isn’t original. It’s an amazing blend of ethnic diversity, just like this country we live in. Country, Pop, Rap, Hip-hop, Rock…all these types of music wouldn’t be here without the music that came before it, that altered to become what we know today.

Needless to say, I love music. I used to be a violinist, until I decided that wasn’t cool and stopped taking lessons. I hope one day to pass on my love of music to Bert®

If anyone is in the area between now and May 5th, I highly recommend a trip to Dollywood just to see the different ethnic music provided during the Festival of Nations. There is something there to please anyone.

Pink on politics

Pink on politics

Jeff was the one that introduced me to Pink’s music. He became interested through his 11 year old daughter, and passed that interest on to me.

I love that she felt strongly enough to put her feelings about Mr. Bush into words. This song never really became “mainstream” but it is my favorite song on her album “I’m not dead yet!” I think the line I like most is “What do you feel when you look in the mirror…are you proud?” That is such a compelling lyric to me, because you have to wonder, can he really hold his head up high and be proud of what he has done for our country the last 8 years?I don’t have any more to say on the subject. The music speaks louder than I ever could.

Todays post is brought to you by the letter E and the number 100

excellent.jpg

Look what I got!!! YankeeChick so kindly bestowed this award on my blog. I am honored, and really kind of dumbfounded. I mean, I hardly write any more, and when I do it’s mostly about Bert© or my most recent dating experiences. How excellent or interesting can that be? Regardless, I appreciate the kudos. You are the best, YC. I’m so glad I found you through your blog.

I need to pass this award on to some of the people on my blog that I love to read, I check their sites daily for updates:

Each of these bloggers, have an incredible way with words. Their true personalities come alive in their posts. Each has, at one point or another, made me laugh out loud, or feel heartbroken for their pain. These are real people who write about their real lives. These are excellent blogs and I highly recommend you check them out at your first opportunity.

Now for the part about 100. Beginning in February at MyCompany™ they started recording and evaluating our inbound phone calls. The recordings are supposedly random, therefore you’re supposed to be on your best behaviour at all times because there is a chance this call can be recorded for training purposes. Each recorded call captures the voice data, as well as “real time” video of our computer screens. Basically the QA person sees exactly what I would see when on a call. The QA then evaluates our calls based on certain departmental criteria they have deemed could be applicable to any call. For example they have certain things they are looking for if I place an order via the phone. Did I verify the customers contact information, did I use my resources to check availability on the item, and so forth.

During the month of March I had approximately 50 calls recorded. On average 2 a day, sometimes more. 4 of those calls were selected to be evaluated by the QA. There is a possibility to score more than 100% on each of your calls, if you get the bonus point. This months bonus point is using the callers name at least once during the call. On 3 of my 4 calls, I scored 105/100. The 4th call, I missed a step and only received 99.47% when you factor in my bonus question. So yesterday, I get an email letting me know that I had the highest overall average score for evaluations during March, at BOTH of our locations. I was stoked to say the least. They came down and took my picture this morning, they are going to put a little blurb on our internal broadcasting system about my accomplishment. It feels so good to put so much effort into something, and finally be recognized for it. I know deep down I’m good at my job. Sometimes though, you do need that extra little bit of validation.

So all in all I had a terrific day! That’s it for right now. I’m not nearly as long winded as I have been in the past. I really hope to start blogging again regularly as I miss it.

 

Easter Greetings.

Garden Beauty

Bert & Mommy

The kiss

Hope you all feel as blessed as I do today.

Happy Easter, everyone.

So this is what a social life feels like…

Bert© is on Spring Break this week, and while she tried to convince me to let her go to Florida, I wasn’t buying it and sent her to my mothers house.

Every night from last Sunday on through the rest of this week I have had plans. Yes, seriously! And no they haven’t been the depressing plans where I’m doing something all by myself, smiling all the while, trying to pretend I’m having an awesome time. I’ve been going out with real people! I guess I need to do a little catch up post here.

1st date: Piano Man
Piano Man is someone I met through that online dating site I joined. He’s a mildly successful 46 year old jazz pianist. We chatted online a bit before I went on my trip to Phoenix, and while I was gone, I allowed him to call me. He’s called me every night since. Sometimes we talk for an hour, sometimes only a few minutes depending on our schedules. I agreed to drive down to the city he lives and watch him play a gig. I arrived Sunday afternoon, he made us dinner and we headed off to the club. He played from 6-9, and has a wonderful voice. After his set, we sat and had a couple drinks, then I headed to my hotel for the night. In the morning we met for breakfast and then I headed back up to Knoxville to go to work.

2nd date: Cinderella Man
I met Cinderella Man from the same website as Piano Man. He’s 26, unemployed, in the midst of a disability lawsuit, middle-Tennessee farm boy, libertarian. He loves the outdoors, his dogs, and his guns. He’s about as redneck as they come, and uncomfortably similar to my ex-husband. He doesn’t really look anything like the pictures he sent me, and did not make a very good first impression on me. There are some unspoken rules about first dates. A) Be clean & tidy. No dirt under the finger nails, wear a dress shirt not a ripped t-shirt. B) Restrain yourself. Do not eat your dinner, and then pick off my plate as well. C) Never, ever touch me if I have not given you permission to do so. A handshake is fine, a hug at the END of the date if things went well, maybe…but do not stroke my hair as we are sitting in the dark movie theatre. That is just creepy. I just found the whole thing uncomfortable and awkward. I don’t think that I will go out with him again.

3rd date: Mr. Nascar
Now, admittedly Mr. Nascar made a poor impression on our first date. He continued to call and chat with me, so I give him points for that. We made plans to go bowling tonight. Here’s the thing folks, now that I got to spend more than 2 hours in a dark movie theatre with him (speaking platonically) he’s rather good looking. He smelled great, looked good, treated me well. We had a nice dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant, and then went bowling. We bowled 3 games, the last one he bowled left-handed in an effort to give me an advantage, yet still managed to wipe the floor with my sorry butt. I smiled a lot, laughed a little, and really had a good time. I think I’d actually like to go out with him again. It sounds like he’d like to go out with me again, as he called about an hour ago to make sure I’d arrived home alright, and asked me to pencil him in sometime next week.

I’m enjoying myself. It’s not often that I get a chance to go out and do something fun. Even rarer for me is the chance to go out with other people, I just don’t have that many friends. It’s almost like turning over a new leaf, and finding a happier, more vibrant Webmiss. I feel like a whole new person. Outgoing, friendly, beautiful, engaging.

On the other hand, I miss Bert© and cannot wait to see her on Saturday.

Hopefully the next time I can take time to write, I’ll update about my difficult journey to Phoenix!

I’m a Strawberry..yum, yum.

I originally saw this on Yankeechick’s blog. I have to say, this is surprisingly accurate of my personality. Especially the conflicted stuff. And although I am passionate, it isn’t something I make obvious in my every day life. Fun little quiz.


You Are a Strawberry


You are friendly, outgoing, and well liked by many people.You are popular, but there’s nothing you ordinary or average about you.You a very interesting person, and you have many facets to your personality.

Sometimes you feel very conflicted. Your different sides of your personality pull at you.

You are a very sensual and passionate person. You are fiery… you can’t help it.

In general, you keep your passionate side under wraps. You are only wild in private.

Observations from an airport

Airport people are funny. In general, I love to people watch if I am dining out alone or otherwise unescorted. The thing I find fascinating about travelling people is that it adds a new level of complexity to them. When I surreptitiously watch someone, I find myself wondering all sorts of things about them. Are they travelling for business or pleasure? Where are they going once they’ve completed this leg to Texas? Are they happy or sad? Why do they have so much luggage?

 A man sat down from me in the terminal waiting area. Blonde hair, clean shaven, dressed in an old care-worn business suit. He’s young, probably 5-6 years older than me. He picks a chair 4 spaces down from me. Why? What reasoning is there for that? He plunks a tattered canvas messenger bag on the seat to his right. It is embroidered on the bottom right corner of the flap. A87 it says. Well, hello Mr. A87! As I glanced up at him, I noticed something different, something I found unexpected about him.

The other airport “waiters” were doing all sorts of different things. Most were reading a book, magazine or newspaper. Two were text messaging furiously with their cell phones. One young woman was drinking her crappy airport coffee and picking at her fingernails. So what was so different about Mr. A87 you ask me? Well he’s reading the bible and underlining in a blue pen that he removes from the inside pocket of his coat, passages that either have a deep meaning for him or that he wants to get clarification on at a later date.

And what am I doing? Why, I’m sitting in the airport terminal, observing, and writing furiously on my brand new legal sized notepad. I don’t want to forget a bit of this new journey. But, perhaps I just realized the funniest thing of all. Maybe I am the oddest passenger in the terminal. Either way, I hope that Mr. A87 sits next to me on the flight, because he is kind of cute.

I went from Phoenix Arizona all the way…

Well actually I’m leaving tomorrow to head to Phoenix. I have been so excited I can’t hardly stand it. I will be gone Thursday night and Friday night, returning on Saturday. It’s ridiculous how much pleasure I am expecting to get from this trip. Hello, Webmiss? You will be working you know! I just can’t help it. I guess I see it as a bit of adventure. I’m going somewhere I’ve never gone before, I don’t have to worry about paying for anything, and I get a little bit of a break from my everyday work to do something fun. I guess I’m just simple like that. It really doesn’t take much to make me happy.

 In other news, I completely lost my mind and joined an online dating website. I think that was one of the dumbest things I have done thus far as a single person. I have to admit that the attention is very flattering. Most of the emails I receive begin something like “Hey beautiful lady.” or “I love your profile, you’re gorgeous.” Then I remember that for most men this is a game. Emails smothered in compliments are more likely to return responses. On the other hand, I occasionally receive one that says “Hey, how’s it going?” I hate those ones as I always feel like I need to draw the other person into conversation. It would be better if they could tell me something about themselves, or ask me to expand on something in my profile.

Often, people misrepresent themselves in their profiles, or say something in an attempt to be witty that ends up making them look foolish. One gentleman started off the subject line of his email saying “Forehead space for rent”. Seriously man, need you forever sear in my brain the fact that you’re in your 30’s with a rapidly receding hair line? I know it might be wrong of me, but I can’t stand to see profiles with spelling or grammatical errors. Note to people crafting an email, or a profile to attract a mate: computer programmers created this wonderful tool called spell check, USE IT! Also, pictures are a big issue. Don’t make a psycho looking face, don’t show a picture where you were stoned and/or drunk, and for goodness sake, show a picture of your actual face, not the back of your head or the side of your face! Geeze, am I really asking for so much?

I have met several people that have contacted me via IM outside the dating site, which has had good and bad aspects as well. A few I have talked to regularly and have asked if we could move on to phone calls. I seem to feel pressured constantly. When can we talk on the phone, when can we meet in person? I hate having to repeat myself, but if I don’t set boundaries and stick with them, I’m no longer in control of the situation. A lot of these guys seem ok, but their eagerness to progress a fledgling relationship with me is a little off-putting. I like the ones who are comfortable getting to know me through the computer first, and willing to take things at my speed. I need to be careful not only for my own safety, but Bert©’s as well.

Unfortunately, one such IM could have had a nasty outcome had I not been as careful as I was. This one guy was sending me messages, and seemed normal at first. Then things turned weird. He started trying to offer me money to fulfill a fantasy of his. He started out offering $2,000. Then it was $5,000. Then it was $5,000 plus a 2003 Jeep in mint condition. The fantasy was that he has always wanted to just come over to some random girls house, have her answer the door, and just start “doing it” (his words, not mine) right away. The first time he suggested it, the answer was no. Each time he upped the ante so to speak, the answer was still no. Finally after 2 days of him messaging me with this crap each time I logged on, I told him politely that I didn’t think this was going to work, wished him the best of luck, and removed him from my messenger list. I received 2 subsequent instant messages from him, threatening me, because I refused him. I was shocked, beyond belief actually. I made sure to set my IM to ignore him, and reported him to the dating site. I was so upset that I was shaking when it was all over. I couldn’t believe someone would actually do that. There is no doubt in my mind, that had I agreed to meet him (which was NEVER an option) I would have been physically harmed in some way. I am so glad for intuition and instinct!

Since my last update Lunch Date Doug and I had several emails fly back and forth. I was very confused by what he was saying, and some of it was rather hurtful. He was making out like he didn’t even want to try and be friends with me. He even had the nerve to say that he didn’t think we had very much in common! I just thought to myself, whatever Webmiss, you don’t need this crap. I just didn’t respond and went about my merry way. About a week later, my phone rang and it was Doug. I was very surprised to have heard from him. We caught up and ended up chatting for about 90 minutes. So much for not having anything in common :P I figure if nothing else, he’ll call every once in awhile and I’ll get to chat with someone outside my normal circle of friends. He has hinted that he has some issues to work out. Well I wish him luck with that endeavor, he can do so without me along for the ride.

My ex-husband called to inform me that his temp position ended. He’s not sure when he’ll be able to find work again, as the job market in BFE Minnesota is in the dumps. He is back home this week for his grandmother’s memorial. I will truly miss that woman. She welcomed me with open arms in to the family and always treated me decently. She was 95 years old, and desperately mourned her husband. It was her time, and I’m sure that she’s happy to be reunited with her husband. I only wish that I could find the type of love that lasts 60 years, like theirs did, and was only marred by the fact that grandpa died and grandma had to remain in her earthly body for 18 years without him. Their marriage was truly an inspiration to me, and I will keep that in the forefront of my mind when next I contemplate getting serious with someone.

I will close this with a challenge that was issued to me, that I would like to pass on to the rest of you. There is a sound track that has been tailor made for the current life you are living. If I were to check it out, what 10-16 songs would be listed? Title & artist please.

I have begun my list, but have to work on it. I’m interested in seeing what everyone else comes up with!

My daughter…the fashion disaster.

In an effort to assert her personality, Bert© has been picking out her own clothes. She’s been dressing herself for over a year now, but only recently has insisted on putting together the entire ensemble herself. Every morning is like a “choose your own adventure”novel. Will she pick the pink corduroys with the bright yellow Hannah Montana T-shirt, or go more conservative with purple plaid skirt and bright UT orange sweatshirt? Like I said, every day there’s something exciting going on at Casa de Webmiss.

 This morning I was more perplexed than normal about Bert©’s couture du jour as it was…well it would probably just be best if I showed you.
Choice of the day

I immediately said to her, “Sweetie, your shirt doesn’t match or compliment your pants.” Inside I was mentally smiling and already envisioning this post.
Her response was: “That’s ok, I like it this way.”
I rolled my eyes but figured, what the hell. Half the time I cannot manage to brush the child’s hair before she heads out to door for school, this is just par for the course.

Then she decided to add to the outfit and left the house looking like this:
The blazer makes the outfit

That truly is her “But Mommy” face. She almost looks like she’s going to start crying. Mean old mommy. Imagine wanting your child to be dressed decently when they leave the house. What could I be thinking?

I love my daughter dearly, but she really has something to learn about dressing for success. Although she did get the idea that a blazer makes the woman, or girl-child in this case.

Go forth darling daughter. I’m so proud of you for being an individual, even though I’m cringing deep inside.

« Previous entries