That was the question posed on Sleepyjane’s blog. I seem to be turning to her for inspiration with my writing lately. She wanted to get to know her fellow bloggers a little better and posed 6 random questions that people could choose to write about. I thought I would write about why I started blogging. Some of you might already know the backstory behind that, but for any “new” or potential readers, I thought I’d spell it all out again.
In 2007, there was some interesting stuff going on in my life. I have to pause here, because I’m astounded by the fact that I have been blogging for nearly 2 years now. Wow.
Anyway. Way back in 2007 I was involved heavily in a relationship with a married man. I got entangled with him quite by accident, he answered a personal ad I took out and we went for dinner one night. We had a fabulous time and he talked very candidly about loosing his fiancee in a car accident and how it had taken him nearly a year to get over it. Now, please keep in mind that I was newly separated from TheEx and hindsight tells me that I was incredibly vulnerable and naive. I believed him, I ate every word of his story up. We were together 3 months before I wised up and figure out he was married. You would think that little revelation would have been enough to make me walk away, but OH NO, I wasn’t quite done making a fool of myself.
I found out as much about his wife as I could and I literally started virtually stalking her. I searched out any profile I could for her and read as much about her as I could. I was a woman obsessed. I think I wanted to see what their relationship was from her point of view. From what he had said, they had been having problems for a long time and they both were staying married because they couldn’t afford to split up. I voraciously read every word of hers that I could put my beady little eyes upon.
Eventually I discovered that she had a blog. I felt like perhaps I had struck gold. I finally felt like I might understand what made her, and more importantly their relationship tick. I wanted him to be with me, and only me more than I had wanted anything in a long time but I would never ever have asked, demanded, or manipulated things to head in my favor. I was content, happy even, to enjoy the time that we spent together and then to let him go home to her. That didn’t stop me from being a complete and total psychotic cyber stalker. Her blog was so, normal. I was almost disappointed. I wanted to read about them having fights and arguments, and all the things that drove her crazy about him…but there were none. In time, I actually grew to enjoy the way she wrote. She is a very well spoken, articulate person, and for some God-awful reason I thought I should reach out to her.
I remember clearly the day that I left an anonymous comment on her blog. I thought I would have a heart attack I was so anxious and scared. I thought for sure she would know who it was. I was waiting, with baited breath for the man to call me and ream me out for contacting his wife. I waited in vain, for that call never did come. As time went on, I got more brazen and bold. I thought well maybe if I blogged too, we could become “virtual” friends.
I want to pause here, to smack my hand against my forehead and say: “Webmiss, what the hell were you thinking??” I am ashamed of having an affair with a married man. I am ashamed that my wonderful outlet of blogging started with such an ugly, dark secret.
So, I created a blog, and a fictitious person to go with it. I figured if we were going to be webbuddies I should at least know something about my pseudo-self. I had a gave my persona a new name, and I had out lined some background for myself. I started writing about some of the real life happenings at work, and in my family life, but I changed details like having a brother when in real life I have a sister.
I started reading other blogs, besides hers. I started commenting and actually beginning friendships with some of the people currently on my blog roll. I became so involved, that some of my true personality was coming forth and I was beginning to loose track of the deceitful details. Then, one day it all came to a head. Someone had sent me a real Christmas card, addressed to my pseudo-self but to my real address and it came back to them. I decided then and there that I couldn’t lie anymore. I outed myself on my own blog. People were shocked and angry. I lost a lot of blog-friends that I really, really liked. I had hoped that once the pretense was gone, and I could just be myself everything would be ok. But, I was wrong.
More than not, people were very supportive and understanding of why I did what I did. I have developed a kinship with these friends and continue to be active on their blogs and them on mine. I treasure those friendships because in spite of my devious actions, they saw through to the real me and chose to remain friends.
I ultimately ended the relationship with MarriedMan. It was probably the best decision I ever made. I’m happier and healthier for it. I don’t know what he’s doing, I don’t know if he’s even still married, and you know what? I don’t want to know. I never ended up becoming friends with his wife through her blog, and really that was probably best as it was a messed up idea from the beginning. I have lived to learn a lesson from that.
Rest assured, since that episode in my life I have been blogging, perhaps not as regularly as I should, but everything you read is ME, the real me. I don’t reveal the true name of the company that I work for, as I’m afraid of them coming across this blog. My daughter, really is 5, and her name is not Bert©, that is just a cool nickname Maxxy gave her. My name is not really Webmiss, but those closest to me do know what it is. Mr.Nascar, is aptly named as he is a Nascar fan, is really in prison. We have managed to travel along out 13-14 month long relationship with him comfortably incarcerated for the last 7 months all the way across the state.
And yes, damnit, I do live in Tennessee. Although you wouldn’t know it to talk to me.
That is why I started blogging. As screwed up as my logic seems now, it appeared to be a fine idea at the time. I’m 2 years older now, but much more wiser than my age belies.
From the bottom of my heart, I thank each of you that stayed with me in spite of all the lies and deceit. To the new people that are reading me, well…now you know my dirty little secret.
I had never been to Sea World before, but Mr. Nascar went about 10 years ago with a previous girlfriend and loved it. He felt that this park would be the one that all three of us would enjoy the most, and boy was he right. We got a park map as soon as we arrived and set out planning our day around the shows that Sea World offers. We saw Shamu-Believe, Clyde & Seymour take Pirate Island, Blue Horizons – Dolphin show, and something with cats, dogs, and even a pig preforming. We rode one ride, and walked all over the blessed place looking at the animals and even sometimes interacting with them. We fed the sting rays, petted the dolphins, and almost got to feed the sea lions and seals as well but we just missed it. I’m going to post a few more pictures and let the pictures tell you all a thousand words. Suffice it to say, as exhausted as we were, we had a terrific time. Mr. Nascar chose well!
Webmiss, Bert©, & Mr. Nascar are on VACATION!!
