I woke up Monday morning grumpy and still groggy. As I sat up in bed, I rubbed my hand over my face. I felt a familiar little tingle in my lips. I jumped out of bed and raced to the mirror in the bathroom. It only confirmed what I had already suspected, cold sores!! Grrr!I have been afflicted with cold sores for as long as I can remember. My mother has them, but my brother, Steve does not. I have pictures of myself throughout my school years with a big old ugly cold sore on my lip. I hated them when I was younger, it was something else for the other kids to make fun of me for. Life was rough when I was a young’n.
I’m still in the early stages of an outbreak. The sores still look like little blisters, they’ve not broken open yet. Thankfully as the days go on, they are less painful. Unfortunately, Hailey happened to brush against my mouth with her hand yesterday, and I was nearly in tears. This outbreak has been worse than any other I ever remember. Normally I break out with one sore, maybe two. Currently, I probably have 7 or 8 sores clustered on my top lip, and 3 smaller ones on my bottom lip. I feel like a leper. Everyone at work commented on them. One of the girls actually asked me if I had had collagen injections. My lips are so swollen, they remind me of Angelina Jolie’s lips.
My boss wandered by yesterday, and stopped for a double take. “What’s up with that?” he asked as he pointed towards his own lips. “It looks painful” I smiled ruefully. “Painful really doesn’t even begin to describe it.” “You know, they say those are brought on by stress.” He stated. “Well I guess we can tell how stressed out I’ve been lately!” Honestly, it’s true. I have been incredibly stressed lately. It’s not been work so much as it’s been Mike, Jeff, and the holidays. Possibly even in that order!
Let’s start with Mike. When we last left Mike, he was moving to BFE Minnesota to be with his wonderful new girlfriend. He had finally, with much pestering, provided me his new address. I needed to send him a dental bill for Hailey, and I wanted to make sure that I updated the state on where he is living. Per our divorce agreement, I am to provide Hailey with health insurance. Even though Mike had better insurance than I did, this decision was made because when he first left TN and arrived in CA, Mike quit his job and didn’t tell me. Hailey and I went 30 days unknowingly without health care. I figured that this would ultimately be a pattern with him, and sadly, I was right. Mike has had 5 different jobs in the 2 years since he walked out on me. Know how many I have had? One. I don’t think I’ve even had 5 jobs in my entire work history.
Anyway, Mike gave me his address and I shipped off the dental bill. Last Friday, I received a final notice in the mail from the dentists office. I was furious, and called to let him know. He had nothing much to say, didn’t seem to care, wouldn’t contact the dentist to let them know that he couldn’t pay. Lord, even just recounting it now makes me upset. If he was here in front of me, I’d kick him in the damn balls and hope I did enough damage so he’s permanently unable to have more children! I wonder if perhaps I need some therapy about this?? It’s not that I’m upset that he left me, hell I’ve had a pretty good time with just Hailey and me. I’ve met some wonderful friends, tolerate love my job, and have even had a few romantic relationships. I just get so furious about Mike’s complete lack of regard for our daughter.
I was good, though. I didn’t yell at him, but I was so frustrated by the end that I was almost in tears. Apparently Mike has been living in MN for a month now, and still doesn’t have a job. I was stunned by that news! In the whole time that we were married, Mike always had a job within 2-3 days of the last one. He’s a truck driver, for goodness sake. There are openings everywhere for that type of job. I guess it’s that he wants a local position, so he can be closer to the honeypot at the end of the day. I asked him to please take care of the bill, and then let him talk to Hailey.
I wasn’t sure what to do. It’s been almost 2 months since my last child support check. August 24th I believe, was the last deposit. I have Christmas coming up, my car insurance is due, and honestly I am spread too thin financially. It has been in the back of my mind that I really could use a second job, but what would I do with Hailey? My mother doesn’t live close enough to watch her, and if I had to pay evening daycare costs it would almost defeat the purpose of my working another job.
Mike’s mother called later that weekend to give me belated birthday wishes. I’ve known the woman almost 8 years now, and she has never remembered my birthday on time. It bothers me, as I feel that it’s disrespectful to me. I’m a good ex-daughter-in-law though, and I just smile and tell her thank you. She asked me what I would like for my birthday.
“Well, to be honest…I have this dental bill here of Hailey’s. It’s $40 and it’s supposed to be Mike’s responsibility, but he can’t or wont pay it. Every spare bit of money I have right now is going toward my car insurance, due in December. Do you think you could send me the money for the bill?”
I hated to ask her. It really made me feel very small that I could not provide for my daughter and needed to ask for help. I will give Kay some credit though, as she said “Sure honey, I’ll get that out to you right away.” We chatted a little bit more, and Kay told me she was surprised at Mike’s lack of job as well. Kay is quite religious, and isn’t afraid to show it. She said that perhaps the next time she talked with Mike, if he still didn’t have a job, she would casually mention that perhaps his place wasn’t in MN.
I have found a forum online that Mike is registered to. I occasionally go there to get updates on him, as I wouldn’t put it past him to withhold information from him. These are a few of the things he’s posted lately.
11/16 AM: “Oh har har, no I did not rob the gas station(I did liberate the money held hostage in the till though!). I have not heard a thing from WM, had an interview at macy’s for loss prevention on monday, when I checked they are still interviewing. Had an interview today through express personnel at benchmark, doesn’t pay much (which I mean after TN gets the child support I’ll get maybe 50 bucks a week) but I should find out either later today or monday. ARGH!!!”
11/16 PM: “Just an update, I got a job! Only until the first of the year, but hey it’s something!”
11/16 late PM: “I learned I got a friggen job! And that now my ex wants all the money”
11/20 AM: “I’m as happy as I’m gonna get cause I got a job.”
I talked to him last night and he’s not mentioned his new job. I have no idea what it is, but was surprised by the post that he had applied at Walmart. I hate that he mentions me as if I am some greedy, good for nothing, gold digger. I keep trying to remind him, he SAW the divorce papers before he signed them and the support was clearly spelled out. He COULD have retained a lawyer to help him but he chose not to. He in the end SIGNED the paperwork, agreeing to the terms of the divorce and support. I refuse to feel sorry for him. The man is 28 years old, and is right where he is based on the choices he made. I didn’t make him get a credit card or two, or three and run up $20,000 of credit card debt. I didn’t make him quit his good paying job, so he cannot afford the child support. He needs to take responsibility for his daughter and do right by her. I need to stop wasting my breath reminding him of these things. It’s going in one ear and out the other.
I hate the thought of how he probably portrays me in conversations with other people. I wonder if his ‘biker-chick’ feeds into his delusions about me. I can’t imagine her saying: “Mike, you’re wrong. You have a responsibility to pay child support. This isn’t money your ex-wife asked for, this is what she is needs to be able to care for your child full time.”
I imagine that it goes more along the lines of this: “Of course she’s a b*tch, Mike. She’s just out to get every last dime that you make. You’re right, she doesn’t need that much child support. Geesh, it’s only one kid…really, how much could a 4 year old eat?”
So I’m incredibly a little bit stressed, and a lot angry. I have just over a week left to get things together until Jeff gets here. Today is Thanksgiving and I have been adopted by my friend Beth from work. Christmas is just around the corner, and really I just feel like giving a great big “BAH HUMBUG!” to everyone I meet. I’m going back to bed now. I’ll pull the covers over my head and try and sleep through the holidays.
See you in 2008 everyone!!
Just kidding.
