Why do I even own a phone?

Geeze, it’s been a little quiet on the comment front in here lately. *checks breath* I wonder if maybe a comment I’ve left somewhere has offended someone. If that’s the case, someone please enlighten me so I can apologize profusely. A lot of my main commenter’s are conspicuously absent. Hope everything is alright.

So this whole “dating” thing, I must just suck big time at this. Adam from the plane has met someone, apparently just after he asked for my email address. So we’re conversing via email on a strictly platonic basis, when I remember to write back…which is like once every two weeks. Uh, my bad. I’m happy for him, I think. John, the one who keeps forgetting our dates emailed today to let me know that he’s met someone. Hmm, I’m noticing a theme here. Is it possible that these people are lying to me? Is there something wrong with me? Seriously? I’m not hideously ugly, I speak English well enough, I’m polite and kind. So what is the problem?

I talked on the phone last night with Tony, the one with the moving company. He kept interrupting me, and cut off our conversation abruptly. He also kept mentioning that he wanted to get on with the Nascar circuit moving the film equipment. I think he mentioned 3 times that he did Bristol this year and made $2000 in 6 days. Now, don’t get me wrong cause I like money. I’m very fond of money. I don’t have a lot, but I wish I did. I come from a background that raised me to believe that money isn’t important, people are. Family is important. Friends are important. Being a good citizen is important. We never went without growing up, but we knew the difference between want & need. Most people today, don’t understand that concept. I married someone who put his job and the money he made before everything else. I spent 18 months in a pretty heavy relationship with someone who owned his own business. It was the only thing he thought of, and the majority of what he talked about. At this stage in my life, do I really want someone who will be that focused on their career and only cares about the $$’s they see? I’m trying to be open minded, so I will at least meet with Tony before I pass judgement. I want to give these men a chance. It just seems they’re not giving me one.

I emailed Doug, the one who’s worried about age difference, a week ago and have heard nothing back. He did warn me that this is a very busy time of year for him. It might be better to try and do this all sometime in early 2008 as the holidays aren’t conducive to people having a lot of free time.

I haven’t talked to Jeff in almost 2 weeks. That’s a whole ‘nother post just on it’s own. I wonder if part of why I’ve felt so unsettled lately has to do with my “relationship” with him and where I feel/see that going. Maybe it’s just that time of year. I’m not getting outside much because it’s darned cold, it’s depressing being at home without Hailey, and I work my @ss off every day just to send every damn dime I make to bills, groceries, day care, rent, etc. Mike is getting off scott free right now, not paying any child support. As near as I can tell, his temp job will end come January, so I might get just 1 child support payment before then.

 Cute guy has been exceptionally nice to me. Not sure what’s up with that. He’s helped me several times in the past week to carry things to and from my car. I guess he’s just trying to be a nice, Cute Guy. I have to say, it does make me feel good to know that there still men out there in the world who want to be a gentleman. I guess I’m a little old fashioned. I don’t mind being treated like a lady every once in awhile.

I was wondering today why I even bother owning a phone. I have a cell phone, but never got a land line turned on when I moved to the apartment. No one calls me. Seriously. Ok, mom does. But she doesn’t count. I was thrilled on Sunday to receive 2…yes T-W-O calls back to back. That’s almost unheard of people. I think the last time that happened to me, my brother was calling to say Grandpa had had a heart attack and then mom called to see if I could pick her up and take her to the hospital. I thought I had friends, but maybe I need to re-evaluate that part of my life. Maybe I’m a bad friend?!? Hmm. I know I have trouble responding to emails in a timely manner. Maybe I just am bad at remembering to call people too? I need to ruminate on that tid bit for a while.

Oh, here’s my random irritation for today. I received a Christmas card from my father. Dad remarried ohhh, 12 years ago now, I think. Vicki’s ok, I’ve not spent much time with her so I really can’t have much of an opinion. They are huge cat people. They are really into cats. Their bathroom has a distinct cat motif. The knick-knacks have to be of a black cat with white paws. Why? Because Dad & V have a cat, named Gilbert of all things who is fat as hell and is black with…you guessed it, white paws. Anyway, for as long as I can remember my cards have always been signed “Love, Dad, Vicki and *stamped paw print* (Gilbert)” This year though, the card came signed “Love, Dennis, Vicki & *stamped paw print* (Gilbert)” My father signed my card with his first name. I don’t know why, but that irritated the heck out of me. It was like instead of my card being personal they had a little assembly line set up, signed all the cards the same way and then jammed them into their pre-addressed envelope. They didn’t have to worry about which card went where as they were all the same!! Oh the simplicity of it.

As I said on Junkmel’ssite: “Gah! ‘Tis the season to BITE ME. Ooh maybe I need that printed up on a T-shirt.”

Bah Humbug, Y’all!

Can I have some cheese with my whine?

My stomach hurts tonight. I’m not sure what the cause is, but I’m pretty sure it wont be fatal. That doesn’t mean that I’m not going to grimace in discomfort and moan a little. I just wish that there was someone besides Hailey to gripe to. I love it when she sees that I’m hurt. “Oh mommy!” she says. “I’ll kiss it better.” I really do have the sweetest child. We are so much alike. I’m a people pleaser, but I hope she doesn’t get that personality trait. I think sometimes that if I was a little more focused on self preservation I wouldn’t always be taken advantage of. I want Hailey to be strong and independent, but feminine, kind, and compassionate. Is that even possible or am I wishing for something that can never be? What traits did you wish your children had? Which ones do you wish they didn’t?

I came across this on Blogthings

Your Vocabulary Score: B+

You have a zealous love for the English language, and many find your vocabulary edifying. Don’t fret that you didn’t get every word right, your vocabulary can be easily ameliorated!

How’s Your Vocabulary?

I’m very pleased with my results. I received a veiled compliment at work today. I had written an email that needed my supervisors approval of before I could send it out to everyone in my department. It was just a new process we were implementing and I was handed the task of mapping it out and putting it into an email to present it to my colleagues. I asked my supervisor what she thought of the email. “Well, I had to edit it.” I kind of gave her that quirky “Huh?” face. I had proof read it, and spell checked it twice. “What was wrong?” I asked. “To be completely honest Webmiss, I had to dumb it down.”

I chuckled at that, I guess sometimes I can be a little wordy. She did mention the fact that she had to add quite a bit to it to get my point across in a way that my coworkers could understand. Oh well, the email went out. The outcome was just as it should have been; the process has been implemented and hopefully it would make my job a little easier. My grammar might leave something to be desired at times, but I sure can wear out the words!

I watched Memoires of a Geisha on Friday night. I highly recommend that movie. I had trouble at first understanding the dialogue with the accents, but I was absolutely hooked by the end of the movie. I jumped online to try and search out the definition of a Geisha. Prior to this, I had bought into the misconception that Geisha’s were basically just Japanese prostitutes. I gleaned more information from that wonderful site that is Wikipedia and purchased the book on Amazon.com.

Virtually every time I have read the book that XYZ movie was based on, I have enjoyed both the movie and the book. If I read the book first and then watch the movie, I am most frightfully disappointed. The Harry Potter series was that way with me, I watched the movies then read the books and LOVED the whole thing. If not for the movie, I might never have read the Chronicles of Narnia.

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CG has been making a point of stopping by my desk every day and asking me what’s wrong. “You’re just not your usual happy-go-lucky self.” He keeps saying. DUH! Can anyone please tell Mr. CG exactly what my problem might be? I just tell him I’m fine, that nothings wrong and go back to what I’m doing. He’s taken to running his fingers down across the width of my cubicle wall when he walks by. It makes a noise akin to rubbing corduroy and is really quite annoying when I’m on the phone. It definitely catches my attention when he walks by so I suppose that little act is serving its purpose. I noticed that he’s still not wearing a wedding ring. At first I thought maybe it was an oversight on my part, that I just hadn’t paid attention, but no he doesn’t wear one. As curious as I am, I’m not about to ask. That is a can of worms I do not want to open.

I’m trying to be strong and ignore him. It might be a tad bit easier if CG wasn’t just so darn good looking…and I wasn’t so darn lonely.

The one she didn’t know how to write.

Normally blogging is easy. I roll around a topic in my head for a few days and when I sit down to write it just flows out of my brain, down my fingers, and voila! I have my latest entry. Ever since I wrote the “A series of unfortunate events” blog I’ve been trying to decide how best to tell the tale of what happened with CG. I haven’t wanted to share because frankly I feel like a bit of a fool. I don’t see how I could have mistaken the situation but perhaps when I lay it all out here on the table it might become clear to me.

I don’t remember which day it was last week that things all went south, but regardless of what morning it was, it started off the same as it usually does. I get to work in the morning, clock in, then go off to make breakfast. On that morning CG wandered into the cafeteria and we chatted a bit while I made my toast. I went back to my desk and went on about my business. Maybe about an hour into the work day I get a message popping up on my screen that he’s started a chat. We either talked about the upcoming weekend, or the one that passed, I’m not sure. We chatted for awhile and then he said he had to go to a meeting and he would be right back.

I can see his department from where I sit. My cubicle faces the hallway so I get to see all the comings and goings. It gets a little noisy sometimes but I enjoy people watching. CG and the rest of his coworkers gathered in a group and commenced their semi-weekly meeting. Toward the middle of the meeting one of the girls jumped up and yelled out “OMG why didn’t you tell me before this?” Her face turned all red and she looked like she was about to cry. Everyone started talking quite loudly and animatedly. It looked as though it was directed at CG, I couldn’t hear very well and wasn’t sure what was going on. I figured CG would tell me about it afterward if I asked and I went about my business.

 A few calls later there was finally a before lunch lull. Janet, the girl that sits across from me leaned over and said “Did you hear the news about CG?” I said “No, I saw a commotion over there but couldn’t tell what it was.” Janet gets a big smile on her face and says “CG just announced that him and his wife are expecting a baby!”

In my head everything just slowed way down to process that information. Cute Guy, the one who I was so sure was flirting with me is married. Not only that, but he’s now expecting a child with his wife.

I must have pulled together something that passed for a smile on my face because Janet didn’t seem to notice something was wrong. Just at that moment my boss came over and she blurts out “CG is married? I didn’t know CG was married. I thought he was interested in Webmiss” We all started to laugh about that, I think I laughed the hardest to keep from crying. I told her that I’d have to mention that to CG, that he would find that funny. What I really wanted to say was “Me, too!”

The rest of the afternoon CG was quite busy receiving good advice and pats on the back. The couple times he walked by my desk I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I finally got up the nerve to send him a message that just said “Congratulations”. He replied back with a thanks.

Since that day we’ve said hello to each other but not much else. I just can’t bring myself to ask the questions that I really want to know. Why bother chatting me up and making me feel good about myself? Did he just take pity on the poor dumpy single mother?

I just don’t know. He’ll be back at work on Monday so I’m sure that’s going to be awkward. Perhaps this is the push I needed to change departments at work. At least if I worked upstairs I wouldn’t have to see CG all day long.

A series of unfortunate events.

Things with CG are no longer even remotely promissing. I didn’t see it coming. Honestly, I’m very hurt and confused. I’m not sure if I read the situation wrong, put more stock in his words than I should have, or if he did this all deliberatly. I just don’t know.

I’m exhausted and more than a little down about the situation. I wont go into details just yet. I think I need another night to mull it over. I’m just glad he’s on vacation all this week. Seeing him at work with all of turmoil inside me would be just too much.

I guess I’ve learned my lesson. No one could really be interested in me. It was too good to be true.

Odds and Ends

I’m so totally addicted to Solitaire it isn’t even funny. After I’ve jumped online and read through everyone’s blogs and written my own if I feel that way, I’ll load up Solitarie on my computer and play until I can’t hardly see straight. Oooh just talking about it right now is making me want to play. Hold back, Webmiss. Finish your blog entry first! In the last week I have played 65 games of Solitaire. Sadly I have only won 7 of those games. Pretty sad statistics huh? I think I’m working on the theory that practice makes perfect. At this rate though, I have a lot more practicing to do.

Hailey and I dragged out the old Disney VHS tapes. ~ Woah, isn’t that a blast from the past? VHS tapes lol. I must be the last person on earth not watching their movies in digital crispness. ~ We’ve been watching the classics: The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Alice in Wonderland, and Beauty and the Beast. I realized something when watching these movies. Ever since Disney went into cahoots with Pixar, the movies have changed. I can hear you all saying “Well DUH, Webmiss, of course they have.” I’m not talking about the animation though. I’m talking about MUSIC. Disney movies used to win awards for their original songs and musical scores. Remember how in The Lion King, Disney brought in the talent of Elton John to write “Can you feel the love tonight”, “In the Circle of Life”, et al? What about “A Whole new World” from Aladdin and ”Under the Sea”, from the Little Mermaid? And that’s just the few that I can name off the top of my head.

 Since collaborating with Pixar I can only think of one musical Disney movie. Do you know which one I’m thinking of? I believe the song was called “You’ve got a friend in me” and it was from Toy Story, which if memory serves me correctly is the first Pixar/Disney movie. Wait just one sec for me. In an effort to be accurate, I’m going to go look that up.

[...]

Ok, thanks for waiting while I googled that. Yes, Toy Story was the first movie Pixar created for Disney.

So what happened since then? My daughter adores singing along to the songs in the Disney movies, as I’m sure a long line up of other young girls did before her. Historically, Disney movies on the whole were “musicals”, so why drop that? Is it an effort to become more adult-friendly? Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, and Cars were really the first cross-generational movies from Disney that attracted, and kept the attention of adults as well as children. I agree that marketing to the parents as well has been a lucrative move for Disney/Pixar studios, but I guess I’m just a sucker for the traditional. I miss the characters randomly breaking out into song to express their feelings about some plot twist. And darnit, you  have to admit some of those songs were incredibly catchy. Bet I’m not the only one that sings along with their kid!

Now, a little blurb about CG. We have chatted every day this week! I will be working away and all of a sudden pop! a little chat window opens up on my screen. He usually opens with something like “Shhhhhsh! You’re being too loud!” Of course that’s a bald face lie as I’m probably the quietest person in the whole building. We chat back and forth about work and life things. We joke and tease each other. I’ve learned that he’s lived here all his life. Me too! He has a younger brother and sister. He went to college and majored in Marketing. He owns his own home and has two cats. Usually we keep the conversation light and airy, but it’s nice having someone I can joke around with at work.

He has set up a recycling box in his department and scolded me for throwing my milk carton in my trash can. He retrived it and rinsed it out for me, then showed me where the recycling box is. Now I at least have an excuse to go over to his desk, so I can do my part for the environment. Ya right, who am I trying to kid? I’m just going over there to get a glimpse of the eye-candy.

He is cute though. We’re roughly the same height. He’s got short dark hair, and he usually goes a couple days between shaving so he gets this dark, dangerous looking alter ego. He stops by my desk and chats whenever he walks by. We had an interesting conversation on Friday about his intense dislike of Indian food.

Oh lord. This is bad bad trouble. I’m gushing. Wow. That’s never happened to me before.

I haven’t done anything so ballsy as to ask him out. I think I’m afraid that I’m reading the situation wrong. He does chat with other women at work. There’s even a girl he has lunch with regularly. I’ve seen one of the women in his department come over to his desk and rub his head or his neck. Then I start to wonder, is he like this with all females? Perhaps his interest in me is strictly platonic. Maybe he’s trying to boost my self-esteem? I don’t know him well enough to decide if he is just one of those people with a naturally flirtatious personality.

I guess I’m just going to stick with what has worked so far. I smile and chat with him, but keep the tone light. I have to say that I am really enjoying things the way they are right now and wouldn’t mind continuing the innocent flirting.

What do you all say?