Ugh, I didn’t sleep well last night. That is NOT normal for me at all. About 9pm last night I was so tired I didn’t even turn on my computer to check out anyone else’s blog. I finished a chapter in my book: Jack & Jill by James Patterson, turned off the bedside light, rolled over and promptly went to sleep.
Things were going well until I had this dream: I was walking down a flight of stairs with a glass full of water. The glass slipped from my hand and shattered into minute little pieces. I stopped suddenly and realized that somehow shards of glass had managed to get in my mouth, and embedded in the grooves of my molars. I spit out all the glass that I could, but needed to use my fingernails to pry the glass from my molars. As I was digging around, I broke my tooth in half. I was in terrible pain, and blood was pouring out of my mouth.
I chose that moment to wake up, thank goodness. I laid quietly in bed with my eyes closed trying desperately to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, my mind was in an industrious mood and decided to obsess about everything I need to do before leaving on my trip. Things I needed to remember to take to work with me in the morning. Things I had not accomplished at work the day before. Things I needed to train the person who is replacing me to handle. Do we notice a common theme here? It was almost like I was trying to make a list in my head, but instead of just checking it twice, I was running through it 300 times and adding items willy-nilly. I do have some tricks to help myself fall asleep, so I settled myself comfortably in bed and tried breathing exercises, relaxation techniques, even counting sheep. None of my regular, fail safe methods worked. I just could not stop my brain from whirring round and round.
I propped myself up in bed a little bit to see what time it was, which is never a good idea. I was surprised to see that it was just after 1am as I did feel very well rested. I knew though that that feeling wouldn’t last so I placed my head back on my pillow and tried again. Suddenly, I heard Hailey crying. I sat up in bed and flipped the light on. “What? What?” I asked her frantically. “I peed in my bed” she answered. I was shocked, no actually I was stunned that she had done that. Hailey has been completely potty trained for almost 2 years now, and has gone a very very long time without wetting her bed at night. I sent her off to the bathroom to strip out of her wet pajamas while I went and stripped her bed. I got her clean night clothes and calmed her down. I wasn’t upset with her, I was and still am, just puzzled about the whole situation. She asked if she could sleep with me and I agreed. I did mention one stipulation though. DO NOT PEE IN MY BED! LOL
I lay down beside her in my bed and held her hand. As I was trying to figure out what happened, my mind drifted back to a conversation that I had had with Jeff on IM Monday night. I was telling him about my business trip next week. He asked me if I’d like him to postpone his trip out here so I could spend the weekend with Hailey instead. I insisted that she was looking forward to spending that weekend with my mother (which she is) and that unless he felt he needed to change his plans, I was excited about seeing him next weekend.
I think perhaps that Hailey is feeling a little bit stressed about me going away. Beth, my friend from work will be watching her Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights. It just wasn’t feasible for my mother to stay at my apartment while I was gone to take Hailey to and from school, my step-father cannot be left alone for that long. My mother will pick Hailey up on Friday after school and keep her until I arrive on Monday morning, October 1st, to collect her. I had thought about just pulling Hailey out of school for that week, but I have no good reason for doing so. Also, if she has more than 7 unexcused absences in one school year, I am charged $50 for every day that she misses, by the school board. I have been trying to mentally prepare Hailey for the fact that I will be going away. She’s stayed with Beth before, but never overnight.
Am I doing the wrong thing? I can’t postpone my business trip, but maybe Jeff had the right idea. Should I tell him not to come so I can spend the weekend with Hailey after being gone all week? Am I being selfish? Part of me feels like I have a right to be selfish. I don’t do things like this all the time. In fact, more often than not, I give up opportunities to do things, because I would rather spend time with Hailey. I am not a perfect parent, far from it I’m sure. I am trying though, and I hope that counts for a lot because there are parents out there who don’t even do that much. I just would like a small break from my small child to have a nice, grown-up weekend. Is it normal to beat yourself up this much for wanting 7 days away from your kid?
As Lucy from Peanuts would say “Good GRIEF, Charlie Brown!”
I think that’s about it for now.
Oh, I almost forgot. Today was 80’s theme day at work. WOW there was some big hair floating around work today. I think I actually got high off the fumes radiating from people’s hair-dos. Well, I got a headache anyway. Beth attacked me with some bright blue eye shadow, pink lipstick, pink blush, and a small comb to tease up my hair. I had many an eyebrow raised quizzically in my direction, and a snicker behind my back. I don’t mind though, it was all in good fun!
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P.S. This is what my dream encyclopedia has to say about my dream last night.
Broken:
To dream that you break something, indicates that changes are ahead for you. You want to change the direction that your life is headed. Alternatively, it suggests that you need to take things slower.
Glass:
To see a broken cup in your dream, denotes feelings of powerlessness, guilt and/or low self-esteem. Perhaps you feel unqualified or inadequate in dealing with a situation.
Teeth:
Loosing the teeth may reflect a loss of power as well as a loss of one’s grasp of life circumstances.
Guess that was a pretty bad dream after all. Lots of negative connotations there.
