It snowed today. It was magnificent. There was no accumulation, as the ground is too warm. All the better since I had a nice long drive home from dropping Hailey off at my mother’s house this weekend. She is on break from school until Jan 2, so during the week, I will be sans kid-let. I am torn between emotions. On one hand, I LOVE the peace and quiet. No 10,000 questions, no arguing, no whining, and best of all…no crying. On the other hand, I LOATHE the peace and quiet. It gives me much too much time to think. I hate sitting in my apartment with the stupid Christmas lights going, and the stupid tree rotating, and not having Hailey here to enjoy it with me. I’ll miss asking her how her day was, and getting plenty of hugs and kisses. I think I’m more bummed than I’m excited. The evenings will seem much longer without her.
Ok, so you might all have been asking yourself: “Webmiss, the other day we came to your blog and found it locked! What gives?” Well, we had a little scare the other weekend at Casa Webmiss. Jeff flew in to spend the weekend with me on November 30th. At some point (the details are a little fuzzy now) we were laying in bed talking. I happened to make an off hand comment about how I should “write this down”. It was either in reference to something he said, or something he had done. Jeff got this panicked look on his face and started quizzing me about having a blog. I lied through my teeth fibbed that I did not have a public online blog, I just had a good old fashioned paper journal. I abhor liars, and damnit I just made one of myself. When Jeff left the following Monday (December 3) I was sitting at home on my computer and literally started to panic. I could just imagine him sitting at home, googling place names and email phrases and coming across my blog. I hopped online and started password protecting any of the posts that mentioned his name. Then I realized that a lot of the day to day stuff that I post could give me away too. I’ve tried to be careful with names of the people I know, and I don’t think I’ve ever actually named the company I work for, but details like my trip to Michigan, etc would give me away in a heartbeat. I decided that the best thing to do would be to make the entire blog private. I know that if he searches via google, it will still show up as a cached page, but there is nothing I can do about that. I probably shouldn’t have been blogging about Jeff in the first place, I’m sure he would see it as an invasion of privacy that I wrote specific details here in my blogosphere. I received several emails asking me what was going on. I lamented to Yankeechick that I didn’t know how to allow access to the site. Bless the woman as she sent me an email with detailed instructions on how to allow people to see my blog. Unfortunately, you have to have a wordpress account in order to see my site. That part kinda stinks. I tried to add everyone I can think of, but if someone has been forgotten please email me at webmiss1981@yahoo.comand I’ll see what I can do. So far Jeff hasn’t confronted me with the knowledge that he has possibly found my diary/journal/blog/etc and I hope that he doesn’t. I NEED this outlet. There are people in my life, people that I call friends who cannot shut up about themselves for 15 minutes just to listen to what I have to say. I am supposed to be there for them, to listen and be supportive, but I find I lack people in my life willing to reciprocate those qualities for me. This blog is my place. It’s the only way that I feel that I can truly empty my head and my heart of everything that I am thinking and feeling. I have been so incredibly confused lately, but I have not made the time to write about it. Maybe if I did, things would be a little clearer and I might actually be able to work through some things.
I just feel like crying right now. I’m sure more out of frustration than anything else. I just don’t know what steps I want to take next. Do I go back to school? Do I move somewhere else? Do I just stay stuck here in TN always?
Things on the dating front are pissing me off big time. There are two men that I have been corresponding with via email since I originally posted my ad. Tony is 41 and owns his own small moving business. John is 33 and works for a company here in TN that basically sells boys toys (jet ski’s, motorcycles, boats, and the like). Just prior to Thanksgiving I made back to back dates with both of these guys, and on the days that we were supposed to meet for lunch, both of them called to cancel. I emailed them both again to see if they were still interested and wanted to reschedule. Tony never replied, John did. I asked John if he wanted to arrange something for Friday night 12/7 after work. He said that would be great. I found out that I would be working some overtime that Friday/Saturday so I asked if we could switch to this Thursday 12/13 as I had the day off and could travel to meet him for lunch. He said that would be great, he’d pick a place and a time. Come the Tuesday of that week and I haven’t heard from him, so I email him to confirm plans. He never emailed back. I absolutely hate unreliable people. Mike was an unreliable person and we all know how well that’s worked out. So I figure that John’s had his 2 chances and I’ll need to just chalk that one up as a no-go.
In the meantime, Doug has responded to my ad. Doug started things off on the wrong foot by spelling my name wrong. I have to say, if it says my name in the header of my email, and I sign my email with my name…there shouldn’t be a problem in addressing an email to me correctly. I am proud of my name, and I feel that it is a sign of disrespect when someone misspells or incorrectly pronounces my name. Perhaps that’s anal retentive of me, but what can I say? A persons ability to portray theirself in written word holds great weight with me. So I emailed Doug a brief email back, and then he replied. This time though, my name was spelt correctly. He told me a little about himself, and asked me a few questions. He ended the email with “We have a large age difference, Candice. How do you feel about that?” Doug is 51. I kind of felt like saying something smart assed, but decided against it. I tried to explain that I am an old woman trapped in a young woman’s body, without sounding preachy or like I was making it up. It’s true, I’m 26 but don’t act/talk or present myself in a manner that would suggest so. Most people think I’m in my late 30’s. I ended my email with “I suppose I should throw that question back at you. We have a large age difference, Doug. How do you feel about that?” I’ve not heard from him since LOL.
Tony emailed me back, just today. “hey girl whats up? call me today if you can and we will talk about meeting. i’ve lost the e-mail with your # sorry. i’ve been pretty busy the past couple of weeks. hope to hear from you.” He included two phone numbers with which to reach him. I will probably call him tomorrow as I have an intense headache right now, and really wanted to spend the evening blogging and reading blogs. So far, I’d say that my adventures in dating have turned out to be rather disastrous. I’ve not mentioned to anyone in my real life that I’ve posted an ad on craigslist. I didn’t even mention it to Jeff, although he’s been encouraging me to date *rolls eyes*
Oh, and remember Adam from the plane? I never heard back from the last email that I sent him back in October, so I shot him off one more to see what the status of things was. Here’s the reply: “Hey! Sorry about that. It has been crazy since the last time I talked to you…..well typed to you that is. I did have a really good Thanksgiving. The best I’ve ever had. How was yours? Are you ready for Christmas? I’ve got most of my shopping complete except for a couple of people. I met someone back in October and we’ve hit it off really well. So of course I’m going to buy her all kinds of gifts for Christmas. She deserves it. How’s work going? Still enjoying your position? Have you done any more traveling? Well, I’m at work so I better get off here before I get my ears chewed off. Great to hear from you agian. I’ll talk to you later.” So while I thought that we had made a little connection there, I guess I wasn’t as unforgettable as I thought. I wonder if this has anything to do with all those lucky chain letters that I’ve never passed on, or that mirror I broke last year?
Hopefully I’ll blog again before oh New Year’s perhaps
I still have much to update on.