Jeff and I are done.

I hadn’t heard from Jeff in a long time. I knew he was busy with family, especially with his kids on break from school and travelling to visit his parents. I didn’t give it much thought, but I sent him a text message to wish him ‘Merry Christmas’. I did not receive a response with piqued my interest and honestly pissed me off.He had mentioned that he was going to be home sometime after the beginning of the year. I waited a few days seeing if I could catch him online, but nothing. I sent him an email this past Sunday night, just trying to see how he was, if he had a good trip, if he’d had any luck trying to get his career jump started. I figured on a response either that night or early in the week. Instead I got this:

Webmiss,

I’ve had difficulty writing this note, but in fairness to you, I don’t think I can delay any longer.As of New Years’, I have a girlfriend that I am committing myself to. Although I respect you and value our friendship greatly, this means that the basis of our delightful times together will change. Like you, I will always treasure the times we’ve spent together, and nothing can reverse “Time’s Arrow” and take them away from either of us. My feelings of affection and respect for you are still of the highest nature. We know that our time together has been a profound experience for us both.I hope that we stay in contact and that you consider me a dear friend still in whom you can share your life’s successes and challenges. As I do you.

Take care.

With love and affection always,
Jeff

So that’s it. That’s the end of that relationship. All the talk of: “We’ll make 26 a good year for you, Webmiss.” and “Would you like to travel with me? We could go to Las Vegas for the weekend, or New York.” or even “I’d like to continue to see you, I wouldn’t want to go more than 2 months between visits, that seems about the right time length.” It’s over. Not only did he kill our relationship, I think he killed our friendship too. I wish that we hadn’t changed the dynamic of our relationship. Going from just friends to “something” more will prevent me from really being able to truly be his friend in the future. I don’t want to hear about this new woman and how happy he is. If we had stayed just friends, then I would have been able to be the supportive influence in his life. I wrote him back and said that I was disappointed, but happy for him. I didn’t think that being friends was possible right now, I’m not that big of a person. Maybe with time that will change. I wished him well and sent the email.

Then I spent the rest of the afternoon between bummed and outright crying. My life is a total mess right now, between Jeff, Mr. Nascar and I having a bit of a downer for a date, and Doug.

I don’t want to run an hide…but I do think that maybe all this trauma happening to me while I live in TN is God trying to tell me that this is no longer where I’m supposed to be. Maybe it’s time for a pow-wow with my priest. I’m definitely in need of some serious confession, that much I know.

I hope you all take care. I will not be able to check comments as often as I used to. I will try to update, as when I’m on lunch at work I can use the internet for personal things. I’m bad at returning emails, but I will try! It’s webmiss1981@yahoo.com I have enjoyed getting to know all of you, and I really will miss you. Please everyone take care, and find happiness, no matter what changes you have to make in your life!!

*hugs & kisses*

Why do I even own a phone?

Geeze, it’s been a little quiet on the comment front in here lately. *checks breath* I wonder if maybe a comment I’ve left somewhere has offended someone. If that’s the case, someone please enlighten me so I can apologize profusely. A lot of my main commenter’s are conspicuously absent. Hope everything is alright.

So this whole “dating” thing, I must just suck big time at this. Adam from the plane has met someone, apparently just after he asked for my email address. So we’re conversing via email on a strictly platonic basis, when I remember to write back…which is like once every two weeks. Uh, my bad. I’m happy for him, I think. John, the one who keeps forgetting our dates emailed today to let me know that he’s met someone. Hmm, I’m noticing a theme here. Is it possible that these people are lying to me? Is there something wrong with me? Seriously? I’m not hideously ugly, I speak English well enough, I’m polite and kind. So what is the problem?

I talked on the phone last night with Tony, the one with the moving company. He kept interrupting me, and cut off our conversation abruptly. He also kept mentioning that he wanted to get on with the Nascar circuit moving the film equipment. I think he mentioned 3 times that he did Bristol this year and made $2000 in 6 days. Now, don’t get me wrong cause I like money. I’m very fond of money. I don’t have a lot, but I wish I did. I come from a background that raised me to believe that money isn’t important, people are. Family is important. Friends are important. Being a good citizen is important. We never went without growing up, but we knew the difference between want & need. Most people today, don’t understand that concept. I married someone who put his job and the money he made before everything else. I spent 18 months in a pretty heavy relationship with someone who owned his own business. It was the only thing he thought of, and the majority of what he talked about. At this stage in my life, do I really want someone who will be that focused on their career and only cares about the $$’s they see? I’m trying to be open minded, so I will at least meet with Tony before I pass judgement. I want to give these men a chance. It just seems they’re not giving me one.

I emailed Doug, the one who’s worried about age difference, a week ago and have heard nothing back. He did warn me that this is a very busy time of year for him. It might be better to try and do this all sometime in early 2008 as the holidays aren’t conducive to people having a lot of free time.

I haven’t talked to Jeff in almost 2 weeks. That’s a whole ‘nother post just on it’s own. I wonder if part of why I’ve felt so unsettled lately has to do with my “relationship” with him and where I feel/see that going. Maybe it’s just that time of year. I’m not getting outside much because it’s darned cold, it’s depressing being at home without Hailey, and I work my @ss off every day just to send every damn dime I make to bills, groceries, day care, rent, etc. Mike is getting off scott free right now, not paying any child support. As near as I can tell, his temp job will end come January, so I might get just 1 child support payment before then.

 Cute guy has been exceptionally nice to me. Not sure what’s up with that. He’s helped me several times in the past week to carry things to and from my car. I guess he’s just trying to be a nice, Cute Guy. I have to say, it does make me feel good to know that there still men out there in the world who want to be a gentleman. I guess I’m a little old fashioned. I don’t mind being treated like a lady every once in awhile.

I was wondering today why I even bother owning a phone. I have a cell phone, but never got a land line turned on when I moved to the apartment. No one calls me. Seriously. Ok, mom does. But she doesn’t count. I was thrilled on Sunday to receive 2…yes T-W-O calls back to back. That’s almost unheard of people. I think the last time that happened to me, my brother was calling to say Grandpa had had a heart attack and then mom called to see if I could pick her up and take her to the hospital. I thought I had friends, but maybe I need to re-evaluate that part of my life. Maybe I’m a bad friend?!? Hmm. I know I have trouble responding to emails in a timely manner. Maybe I just am bad at remembering to call people too? I need to ruminate on that tid bit for a while.

Oh, here’s my random irritation for today. I received a Christmas card from my father. Dad remarried ohhh, 12 years ago now, I think. Vicki’s ok, I’ve not spent much time with her so I really can’t have much of an opinion. They are huge cat people. They are really into cats. Their bathroom has a distinct cat motif. The knick-knacks have to be of a black cat with white paws. Why? Because Dad & V have a cat, named Gilbert of all things who is fat as hell and is black with…you guessed it, white paws. Anyway, for as long as I can remember my cards have always been signed “Love, Dad, Vicki and *stamped paw print* (Gilbert)” This year though, the card came signed “Love, Dennis, Vicki & *stamped paw print* (Gilbert)” My father signed my card with his first name. I don’t know why, but that irritated the heck out of me. It was like instead of my card being personal they had a little assembly line set up, signed all the cards the same way and then jammed them into their pre-addressed envelope. They didn’t have to worry about which card went where as they were all the same!! Oh the simplicity of it.

As I said on Junkmel’ssite: “Gah! ‘Tis the season to BITE ME. Ooh maybe I need that printed up on a T-shirt.”

Bah Humbug, Y’all!

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