Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween from the Little Tennessee Mermaid

Can you feel the mischief in the air?

I hope everyone had a safe and happy Halloween. It poured down rain here, which really put a damper on the trick or treating. I followed Bert© around with an umbrella trying to keep her semi-dry as we participated in a “Trunk or Treat” event at a local church. She collected her candy, thanked everyone, and promptly decided that she was ready to go home. We watched “The Proposal” with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds while Bert© was on candy patrol incase we had any treaters come to our house. She was highly disappointed as we didn’t receive even one knock at the door. However she managed to console herself by snuggling up with her mommy and eating some of her loot. We went to bed when Mr. Nascar returned home from working the Football game on Saturday night, and we all enjoyed a nice sleep in on Sunday morning.

It’s a bird, it’s a plane…no, it’s a Whirlpool® Fabric Freshener

Hello, my name is Webmiss and I work for Whirlpool Corporation. Phew, there I said it. I think I’ve been blogging now for roughly 2 years and I have been so scared to reveal any details about myself on the web but now, now you all know the truth.

Today Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m going to tell you about this awesome appliance Whirlpool® makes called the Fabric Freshener.

The Whirlpool Fabric Freshener

I don’t own one of these yet, but they have one at work that we’ve all been able to get a hands on feel for and; the verdict is: I.Love.It!

I’m sure there are plenty of people in this world that do laundry just like I do. I wash my clothes, throw them in the dryer and then just forget about them. When Monday rolls around and I’m looking for something to wear to work all my shirts and pants are wrinkled. I groan and roll my eyes because I now have a choice; either I break out the iron and go to town tackling wrinkles or I throw the clothing items back in the dryer for about 10 minutes. Either way this is a now win situation for me. I either spend the rest of the morning ironing and lose valuable time getting ready and potentially arrive late for work, or I throw them in the dryer and then my clothes are so warm when I put them on that I start to sweat and give my Degree antiperspirant a chance to live up to it’s name. TMI, I know, but I’m trying to make a point here people; I’m LAZY. That’s where the wonder that is the Whirlpool® Fabric Freshener comes in. If I had one of these puppies I could put my clothes inside, press a button and voila!

Just imagine, while I have been in the shower, brushing my teeth, and washing my face, my clothes have been having a relaxing and rejuvenating experience inside the Fabric Freshener. When the 30 minutes are up, I just remove them from the appliance and they are looking AND smelling great, just like moi! I’m happy, my clothes are happy and hi ho hi ho it’s off to work I go.

This doesn’t have to be just a dream. Great smelling, wrinkle free clothes could be a reality thanks to Whirlpool®.

I spent a little time on our website www.Whirlpool.comresearching the benefits of a Fabric Freshener so I could make an informed blog post. I didn’t realize that the Fabric Freshener had been selected in 2006 by the Good Housekeeping Institute for a “Good Buy” award. 

“The Fabric Freshener’s combination of heat and steam helps relax wrinkles from common fabrics like wool, silk, polyester, rayon and cotton, and tackles odors from smoke, food, pets and perfume. Because the Fabric Freshener uses no chemicals or detergents — just water –clothing will look new longer.

The Fabric Freshener delivers convenience even down to its design. Compact and portable, it’s an ideal fit for nearly every living situation. When fully upright, the Fabric Freshener stands approximately 58-in. high, 33-in. wide and 12-in. deep. When not in use, the unit can be collapsed to the size of a small vacuum (approximately 10-in. high, 33-in. wide and 12-in. deep) for easy storage and portability.”

Some interesting facts about the Fabric Freshener:

• It’s Eco-Friendly: Employing a patented steam technology system using only water* instead of harmful chemicals
• It’s Cost Effective: The machine uses only a small amount of water*and electricity. Keep your clothes looking newer longer by using the Fabric Freshener instead of washing before wearing.
• It’s irreplaceable: It removes odors, relaxes wrinkles and will dry your delicate fabrics; no more trips to the dry cleaners.

Hopefully by now you’re all wondering where you can purchase such an amazing appliance. Well, the Whirlpool® Fabric Freshener is not available for purchase in regular retail big-box stores. Right now, if you go to our website http://www.whirlpool.com/home.jspand enter the model # LRF4001RY in the search box you can order directly from Whirlpool®. The MSRP on the Whirlpool® Fabric Freshener is $219 however if you click on the add to cart link you can enter promotional code FF197 for a $30 instant savings. With my discount code the Whirlpool® Fabric Freshener is only $189!!**

I’m excited about this opportunity and I hope you all are as well. I can’t wait to buy my very own Whirlpool® Fabric Freshener, can you?

 

*Whirlpool® recommends only using distilled water to avoid calcium build up on the motor over time.

**Plus applicable taxes and shipping to be determined at time of check out.

Why did I start blogging?

That was the question posed on Sleepyjane’s blog. I seem to be turning to her for inspiration with my writing lately. She wanted to get to know her fellow bloggers a little better and posed 6 random questions that people could choose to write about. I thought I would write about why I started blogging. Some of you might already know the backstory behind that, but for any “new” or potential readers, I thought I’d spell it all out again.

In 2007, there was some interesting stuff going on in my life. I have to pause here, because I’m astounded by the fact that I have been blogging for nearly 2 years now. Wow.

Anyway. Way back in 2007 I was involved heavily in a relationship with a married man. I got entangled with him quite by accident, he answered a personal ad I took out and we went for dinner one night. We had a fabulous time and he talked very candidly about loosing his fiancee in a car accident and how it had taken him nearly a year to get over it. Now, please keep in mind that I was newly separated from TheEx and hindsight tells me that I was incredibly vulnerable and naive. I believed him, I ate every word of his story up. We were together 3 months before I wised up and figure out he was married. You would think that little revelation would have been enough to make me walk away, but OH NO, I wasn’t quite done making a fool of myself.

I found out as much about his wife as I could and I literally started virtually stalking her. I searched out any profile I could for her and read as much about her as I could. I was a woman obsessed. I think I wanted to see what their relationship was from her point of view. From what he had said, they had been having problems for a long time and they both were staying married because they couldn’t afford to split up. I voraciously read every word of hers that I could put my beady little eyes upon.

Eventually I discovered that she had a blog. I felt like perhaps I had struck gold. I finally felt like I might understand what made her, and more importantly their relationship tick. I wanted him to be with me, and only me more than I had wanted anything in a long time but I would never ever have asked, demanded, or manipulated things to head in my favor. I was content, happy even, to enjoy the time that we spent together and then to let him go home to her. That didn’t stop me from being a complete and total psychotic cyber stalker. Her blog was so, normal. I was almost disappointed. I wanted to read about them having fights and arguments, and all the things that drove her crazy about him…but there were none.  In time, I actually grew to enjoy the way she wrote. She is a very well spoken, articulate person, and for some God-awful reason I thought I should reach out to her.

I remember clearly the day that I left an anonymous comment on her blog. I thought I would have a heart attack I was so anxious and scared. I thought for sure she would know who it was. I was waiting, with baited breath for the man to call me and ream me out for contacting his wife. I waited in vain, for that call never did come. As time went on, I got more brazen and bold. I thought well maybe if I blogged too, we could become “virtual” friends.

I want to pause here, to smack my hand against my forehead and say: “Webmiss, what the hell were you thinking??” I am ashamed of having an affair with a married man. I am ashamed that my wonderful outlet of blogging started with such an ugly, dark secret.

So, I created a blog, and a fictitious person to go with it. I figured if we were going to be webbuddies I should at least know something about my pseudo-self. I had a gave my persona a new name, and I had out lined some background for myself. I started writing about some of the real life happenings at work, and in my family life, but I changed details like having a brother when in real life I have a sister.

I started reading other blogs, besides hers. I started commenting and actually beginning friendships with some of the people currently on my blog roll. I became so involved, that some of my true personality was coming forth and I was beginning to loose track of the deceitful details. Then, one day it all came to a head. Someone had sent me a real Christmas card, addressed to my pseudo-self but to my real address and it came back to them. I decided then and there that I couldn’t lie anymore. I outed myself on my own blog. People were shocked and angry. I lost a lot of blog-friends that I really, really liked. I had hoped that once the pretense was gone, and I could just be myself everything would be ok. But, I was wrong.

More than not, people were very supportive and understanding of why I did what I did. I have developed a kinship with these friends and continue to be active on their blogs and them on mine. I treasure those friendships because in spite of my devious actions, they saw through to the real me and chose to remain friends.

I ultimately ended the relationship with MarriedMan. It was probably the best decision I ever made. I’m happier and healthier for it. I don’t know what he’s doing, I don’t know if he’s even still married, and you know what? I don’t want to know. I never ended up becoming friends with his wife through her blog, and really that was probably best as it was a messed up idea from the beginning. I have lived to learn a lesson from that.

Rest assured, since that episode in my life I have been blogging, perhaps not as regularly as I should, but everything you read is ME, the real me. I don’t reveal the true name of the company that I work for, as I’m afraid of them coming across this blog. My daughter, really is 5, and her name is not Bert©, that is just a cool nickname Maxxy gave her. My name is not really Webmiss, but those closest to me do know what it is. Mr.Nascar, is aptly named as he is a Nascar fan, is really in prison. We have managed to travel along out 13-14 month long relationship with him comfortably incarcerated for the last 7 months all the way across the state.

And yes, damnit, I do live in Tennessee. Although you wouldn’t know it to talk to me.

That is why I started blogging. As screwed up as my logic seems now, it appeared to be a fine idea at the time. I’m 2 years older now, but much more wiser than my age belies.

From the bottom of my heart, I thank each of you that stayed with me in spite of all the lies and deceit. To the new people that are reading me, well…now you know my dirty little secret.

Like a thief in the night…

So I was tinkering around on the internet, and I ran across a particular post that my lovely friend Sleepyjane wrote entitled: “Relationships stink sometimes”. I read it and I thought to myself…Oh my gosh, my relationship stinks too! Not so much in the literal sense that SJ was meaning (eww morning breath) but in a sense of some of the “stinky” things that have happened to me & Mr. Nascar lately.

So I bring you Top Ten Thursday…told you I was a thief!

The top 10 reasons my relationship stinks: 

1. I am dating a prisoner

2. I have been without sex for 7+ months. That’s a HUGE dry spell!

3. I am dating a convicted felon

4. I am dating someone that is housed 355 miles from me. It’s 12 hours round trip to drive out and see him.

5. Mr. Nascar snores!

6. He is a total bed hog.

7. He adores my child and will promptly commence spoiling her rotten the minute he gets released

8. He loves American Idol, Football, and Nascar. I do not. Need I say more?

9. He’s never been married, and I’m terrified that he’s going to ask me one day.

and the #10 reason that my relationship sucks…is because we are separated, and have been separated for 7 very long months. I miss him, with all my heart, and pray each night that this is all over with and finished soon.

 

To ashes you will return.

Wednesday night after heading back from Mr. Nascar’s parole hearing, Bert© and I screamed into town on two wheels with just enough time to get to church for Ash Wednesday.

I know I’ve mentioned before that I am a practicing Catholic, but it’s only in my adult years that I truly feel a connection with organized religion and my belief system. I am one of those bad people who picks apart the “rules” of their religion and pieces those bits together with my values and beliefs to make a wonderful mish-mash of personal Catholicism!

For example: the Catholic church teaches that it’s wrong to be on birth control. Children are a gift from God and should always be loved and accepted. Whoops! I just renewed my prescription for my Nuva-ring. My bad.

The church also teaches that sexual intimacy is something that should only be shared between a man and a woman within the bonds of marriage. Pre-marital sex is a no-no. I vehemently disagree with that point of view. Why I don’t advocate people being promiscuous, I see nothing wrong with sharing a sexual relationship with someone you love and care about, regardless of being married. I think that the whole “We need to wait for marriage” mindset is influencing teenagers and young adults to make the decision to get married just so they can have sex. Now I could be wrong about that, I do live in the south and we appear to have a penchant for young teenage mothers, but honestly I don’t see any sense behind asking young people to wait, when we throw sex and sexual innuendo in their faces nearly 24 hours a day. My belief, and you all can hold me to this when Bert© comes of age, is that we need to stress sex education not in school but AT HOME! Our children should be educated about safe sex and how to properly prevent pregnancy by their parents not by school teachers or their friends. Then and only then can they make correct and informed decisions. While ultimately I would like Bert© to be under lock and key until she’s 80, I am cognizant of the fact that I would be convicted of child cruelty and therefore that is not a practical option. I want to be able to trust my child as a young adult and know that she is making the right decisions for herself and that if she chooses to have sex as a teenager, she needs to give that decision the due care it deserves and protect herself no matter what happens.

I believe I have been waylaid by my thought process and have diverted from the original intent of my post.

However I choose to believe, I do feel that since these are guidelines laid out by the church I am responsible to uphold myself to the consequences for breaking those rules.  I recognize that I am not within a “state of grace” under Church doctrine and because of that I cannot partake in communion. I could remedy that by heading off to reconciliation (doesn’t that sound much nicer than confession?) and explaining to the priest that I have sinned by taking birth control and for enjoying a physical relationship with Mr. Nascar (not recently mind you). The kicker is, I would have to be truly sorry for these sins and do everything in my power to not commit them again. That I’m afraid, I cannot do, because that my friends would be lying straight to the face of God.  Or at least that’s how I see it, because I know that as soon as Mr. Nascar comes home I am going to be doing my very best to sin, as often as possible

Anyway, I still attend mass on Sundays and participate in Holy Days of Obligation (or as my old priest was fond of saying: Holy Days of Opportunity), which includes Ash Wednesday and the Lenten season which we are currently at the beginning of.

I love the ceremony of a Catholic mass. I love going into a church, no matter how far away from my home parish, and being able to participate actively because the basics of the service will be the same. I find comfort in consistency, there is nothing I hate more than change. Instead of participating in the Eucharist, I go up with my arms crossed over my chest, opposite hand on each shoulder (the acceptable sign for not taking communion) to be blessed by the priest. While I feel a certain lack of fulfillment from that process, I am making the choices that keep me in that position so I have no one to blame but myself.

Ash Wednesday was particularly profound for me this year. While I did not participate in communion, I did go up to have the priest mark the sign of the cross in ashes on my forehead. The ashes are a sacramental, created by burning the palm fronds from the previous years Palm Sunday ceremony.

Bert© ever the inquisitive child wanted to know how many cigarettes Father Mike had smoked to make all those ashes!

I was touched, seeing all these people crowded into church for the 7pm service, streaming up to the alter to be marked, physically marked by their religion. Normally for most people religion is like an invisible layer that we carry with us. One cannot just look at a person and say “Oh, she’s Catholic, or he’s Baptist, or they’re Agnostic” It was so profound to me to be able to look around and see all these people actively practicing their religion, well it was a beautiful thing. I really felt for the first time in a long time, that although there is so much evil in this world, so many people who are making bad choices and hurting one another, that there also really is a lot of good too.

And that my friends, has given me a renewed sense of hope and faith in humanity.

T’was the night before Christmas.

Well not exactly Christmas, but it is the night before Mr. Nascar’s parole hearing. I am sitting in a hotel 40 miles from anywhere, but just down the road from the prison. It is 3:48am and although I am yawning like a lazy cat, I can’t sleep any longer.

I don’t know how to describe it. I have such a mix of emotions going through my heart right now. My mind is racing and I don’t know how to stop it. I figured that maybe if I wrote about it, I might be able to process some of the information and I can maybe go back to sleep for at least an hour or two before it’s time.

A small part of me is excited. We have waited for this day for 7 long months. I prepared an entire parole packet, in addition to the letter that I personally wrote. When I finally mailed it in, I sent Mr. Nascar a copy of just the paperwork, not the pretty bound and colorful edition that I sent to the board. He showed it to Mr. P who is the facilitator of the Pre-Release class that Mr. Nascar is in. Mr. P said he was impressed with what I had put together and asked for my permission to use a copy of it as part of his class. He is going to use it as an example of what can be done to prepare and get organized before the parole hearing, and to show that a little initiative can go a long way. Like Mr. Nascar says: “No matter what happens, we’ll go up there and know that we did everything possible.” Maybe, just maybe, what I’ve been able to put together will show the parole board that I am a good person, and that Mr. Nascar now has 2 very positive people in his life who care about him very much. That moral support is very important in keeping recidivism down.

I’m excited about the possibility that we might be in the final stretch of all this. He could be home by the end of March, beginning of April if things go the right way. It will take 10 days for the final decision to come back, then a parole officer will need to come to the house to check out his “home plan” and to the place where he is going to be working to check out his “job plan”. After that it would be about another week for them to get his paperwork together, and then my next trip out here would be to come and get him from this horrible place.

On the other hand, part of me is so scared that he’s going to be denied today. I dreamt the other night that they put him off for a year. They would have any number of reasons making such a decision. I think the most logical might be that they don’t feel he has served enough time yet to learn a lesson from all this. They might grant him parole but tell him he has to wait 6 months before he can be released. If that is the case it would be the end of August and he would have been gone more than a year at that point. They could deny him out right and tell him to come back in a year. They could deny him and tell him to come back in 6 months. They could recommend him for parole and then it gets over turned when the final decision comes back from Nashville. There are just too many variables in this situation for my liking.

I’m also scared about the possibility of him coming home. I have gotten used to being independent again. I have my house and I have it set up MY way. When he was out, we were talking about moving in together, but we were looking for a place to live. That would have been neutral ground, it would have been a melange of his stuff and my stuff. I wasn’t able to get a lot of his stuff from his old house before his sorry @ss roommate called good will and told them to take whatever they can carry. I’m worried that he’s going to feel displaced when he gets home. I’m worried that I’m not going to be any good at sharing now. I’m worried that we’re not going to be able to stand each other when he comes home, and that it’s not going to take us long to destroy our relationship. Because of all the BS that TheEx is pulling lately, I’m worried that Mr. Nascar has just been taking me for a ride. Part of me thinks, well if TheEx was able to take advantage of me so easily, maybe my judgement isn’t sound and Mr. Nascar was able just to step right in and say the right words, pull the right strings, and voila here I am making a fool of myself again.

I talked to him tonight before I went to bed. He said he’s excited about today and there’s no doubt in my mind that right now he is also sitting up in his bunk with a million thoughts streaming through his head. He has been a complete basket case for the last two weeks, he even admits to it. I told him the other night that I’m going to need to buy some pom-poms if I need to keep up the cheer leading. I’m happy to do it though, as it keeps my mind off things, but the drive here yesterday was nothing but blank time for my mind to roam free with worry and fear.

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. I’m going to start getting ready at 6:30 which is about 2 hours from now. I really need to lay back down and try to go to sleep. I just need to keep reminding myself that God is with us, and all of this is in His hands now. Whatever happens is meant to happen.

Oh the wonders of the World Wide Web

In my internet travels this evening, I ran across a blog written by a young woman. She is a vegan and blogs not only about her life, but the food that she loves to eat, and even posts pictures & recipes of the vegan food she prepares. She has come up with a little blog challenge that I really thought was incredibly thoughtful. Please go and check out this specific post on what she wants for Christmas. She has offered to donate 20 cents to the ENOUGH Project for each comment that is left on her blog on that specific post. That’s all you have to do, just go and make a little comment and the charity will be getting some money. So go forth people, and comment!

Opinions please

I need to see if you all could do me a favor. Proof read the support letter that I will be sending in on Mr. Nascar’s behalf and please give me your honest opinion. I have not mailed it out yet, so I still have time for revisions.

Ms. Webmiss

My new house

Somewhere in East TN

December 19, 2008

RE: Parole Hearing of  Mr. Nascar

Tennessee Board of Probation and Parole
Address to some strange building
Nashville, TN

 
Honorable Members of the Parole Board:

My name is Webmiss, and I am the fiancée of Mr. Nascar,  inmate # 123456. I am writing today to show my support for a favorable decision in the matter of his parole hearing.

Mr. Nascar has been incarcerated since July 2008 for a technical violation of probation. Prior to this he had been thriving as a productive member of society. While on community corrections, Mr. Nascar was able to accomplish something that not many men with a felony conviction are able to do, he started his own business, Mr.Nascar’s Special Service. Mr. Nascar’s Special Service  is partnered with www.somewebsite.com, a division of SomeCompany. Through this partnership, Mr.Nascar’s business is referred clients who are doing business related things, that Mr.Nascar assists them with.

The remainder of his business comes from proactively marketing his services through online market places such as Craigslist.org and from referrals from Mr. Nascar’s satisfied customers. The business has thrived under Mr. Nascar’s ownership and management. Mr. Nascar wasn’t content just to sit back and supervise, he was present on nearly every job. His attention to detail and his friendly rapport with his customers garnered him a very positive reputation within the industry. For your reference, I have enclosed the (professional references). Those two documents will highlight the number of jobs that were scheduled with Mr. Nascar’s Special Service for those two months. Also, I have provided print offs from Mr. Nascar last customer reviews and as you can see, the customers were very satisfied with the services Mr. Nascar provided them. Even though Mr. Nascar has been incarcerated 5 months at the time of this letter, his phone continues to ring daily with job requests from people who have been referred to his company. Unfortunately we have had to shut down the business and turn those potential customers away.

In addition to his own business, Mr. Nascar was employed full-time by (name and company information removed). On most weekends he could also be found at different sporting events around the county, contracted by companies such as ESPN, Fox Sports, NASCAR and Raycom Sports to set up their audio and visual equipment.

Mr. Nascar has not been idle with his time on Community Corrections. He has actively sought to grow his business, and in doing so has employed men who were going through treatment at E. M. Jellinek Center in Knoxville. Mr. Nascar could empathize with them and understood that part of their successful introduction back into society was having someone believe in them and give them a chance. Mr. Nascar was that someone. He was able to train these men and provide them with an opportunity to learn a useful skill and get back on their feet, reducing the likelihood that they would turn back to their addiction and be at risk to re-offend. Mr. Nascar has also been faithful to his community service. Weekly he collected aluminum cans, turning them in for money and then donating that money to the Ronald McDonald house.

Mr. Nascar is a good person who unfortunately made poor choices in his past that have continued to negatively impact his life. Since his original sentencing, Mr. Nascar has come a very long way. With the help of his friends and loved ones he has been able to find purpose in his life, and turn away from the road he had been traveling. Consequently, Mr. Nascar has been making better, more positive choices in his life.

While his technical violation of his probation is indeed a setback, it is not an insurmountable one. I believe that together, Mr. Nascar and I have a plan to ensure his continued success as a member of society. We have thought long and hard about where we both want our lives to go and I am positive that our mutual goals will propel us toward a happier, healthier future. I believe in Mr. Nascar, and I believe in the two of us. I feel confident that I will be able to provide a safe, supportive, and loving atmosphere in which we will both be able to thrive. I am willing to attend the Celebrate Recovery classes at Cokesbury together with him, as well as take whatever steps are necessary to love and support him.

Honorable Board Members, I implore you to please take the time to consider the information that I have provided in this packet before making your final judgment. I sincerely hope that you will see the steps that Mr. Nascar has taken to right the wrongs of his past and that you will give him, and us, another chance.

I appreciate your time and attention in this matter.

Respectfully yours,

 Webmiss

Gosh it’s hard trying to type this out and remain mostly anonymous. I hope you were able to get the gist of what I was trying to say. Please be brutally honest, I want to ensure that I have made the most of my letter and that it will be as helpful as possible to Mr. Nascar.

Thanks ladies & gents.

Impressed.

I had the pleasure of seeing Michael Bublé in concert here in Knoxville on October 3rd. For those of you who are not familiar with him, you are missing out. He is an successful young singer from Canada, so of course that immediately endeared him to me. It doesn’t hurt that he’s wickedly cute either! If you’re interested in checking him out, his official website can be found by clicking here. They have one of his newest singles playing in the background. He covers a lot of old songs, but some of my favorites are ones he has written, or were written specifically for him.

The show was great, I had a decent seat to drool enjoy the show from. What impressed me most was the group that opened his act. The group is called Naturally7. I had never heard of them prior to seeing them open for Michael Bublé, although according to their website they have been around for a few years. They are a contemporary Christian A Capella group.

Their voices are amazing, but what’s even more amazing is that any instrumental sound in the “soundtrack” is created entirely by their own voices.

When they were on stage, they broke it down and demonstrated their “instruments” individually. The crowd went wild. They gave me goose bumps. After the show I purchased their CD Ready II Fly and I was not disappointed. Some of their ballads are incredible songs about the power of love.

Since I have blogged before about the powerful effect that music seems to have on me, I thought that I would share with you, my latest obsession no, wait obsession would be the correct word

Enjoy!

I love to laugh…ha ha ha ha

I love to laugh. Often, movies that are supposed to be “funny” don’t actually make me laugh. Sometimes I’ll chuckle at the appropriate time, especially if it’s a part that involves someone getting hurt (I know, I’m bad), but I never feel satisfied. The best kinds of laughs for me are the ones that I get from the real people I interact with on a daily basis. The moments where you laugh so hard you think you’ll never stop, and then each time you think about the incident you almost can’t help laughing again. Each time this has happened to me, it’s been so unexpected, especially the times it’s Bert© that has cracked me up. My child can really come up with some good ones. I had one such incident with a coworker yesterday, and I have revelled in repeating the conversation. The first two times I repeated it, I could barely get through it without laughing. So without further ado, here are a few conversations recently that I have found very funny.

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up Bert©?
B: A mommy, just like you.
Me: Oh now that’s sweet. How many kids do you want to have?
B: One, a girl.
Me: Well, honey. There’s no guarantee you’ll have a girl. You might have a boy.
B: No, I’m going to have a girl.
Me: Ok. What would you name your daughter?
B: Cheesy Wheezy.

The other day I went over to Mr.Nascar’s house. I knew he wasn’t going to be home, but his roommate Big D was. Mr.Nascar told me just to go ahead and let myself in (as we’ve exchanged keys) but I’m still not comfortable doing that yet. I arrived and knocked on the door. As I waited, I was listening for the sound of footsteps, but heard nothing. I got out my phone, thinking to call the house phone and ask Big D to let me in, but figured I’d just try knocking again. I rapped on the door again and waited. I heard an interior door open and close, and footsteps coming toward the back door. The door knob twisted, and the door was pulled forcefully inward. Big D took a giant step backward and yelled out “SHHHHHIIIT!!!” I jumped a bit as that was not the reaction I was expecting. “Damn girl, you scared the shit out of me.” he said, his hand resting over his heart. I started to giggle. “I’m sorry, I knocked, I swear I did. I thought you heard me and were coming to let me in.” I laughed all the way through the house, and each time I even thought of the encounter. His reaction was priceless.

There’s a guy that I work with, he reminds me way too much of my ex-husband so I try to keep my distance. Anyway, one day we had ice cream at work, and I over heard his random conversation between him and his cube mate Slacker.
The Big Cajun: So my friend, his last name is Hammer…so I was telling him that when he has kids, he should name his son Jack. You know…Jack Hammer…get it?
Slacker: Hehe, that’s funny. What if he named his kid Sledge? Then he’d be Sledge Hammer!
The Big Cajun: Ya, ya. Or what about Michael Clayton?
Me: Huh?
The Big Cajun: Cause if he went by his initials, he’d be MC Hammer!
I couldn’t help myself, I just had to laugh.

Now yesterday, I was standing with TBC & Slacker discussing my upcoming trip to Canada.
Me: I can’t wait. I leave in a little less than a month to go to Canada.
TBC: I’d love to go to Canada one day.
Slacker: Me too. I’d like to travel to a foreign country.
Me: *Puzzled* You consider Canada a foreign country? It’s very similar to the US. Just with less people.
TBC: Ya, I’ve heard there are like only 3 major cities in Canada.
Me: Yep, that’s pretty much it. There’s less than 40 million people in the whole country. It works out to like 2 people per square kilometre.
TBC: *Gets this dreamy look on his face* Do you know what they have a lot of in Canada?
Me: Canadians?
TBC: And they come in lots of flavors too!
Me: *Slacker and I are both looking at each other like we think TBC is crazy and then burst out laughing* What are you talking about? You so lost me back there.
TBC: Beer…what did you think I was talking about?
Slacker and I started laughing so hard and explained what we were cracking up about. TBC said he didn’t hear me answer him saying that Canada must be filled with Canadians. This morning when I got to work, I asked him what flavor of Canadian he had for dinner last night. That got everyone chuckling all over again.

Me, Mr.Nascar & Bert© were having icecream one evening. It was freezing inside the shop, and I wanted to get back outside where it was warm.
Me: Hurry up, honey and finish your icecream. It’s cold in here.
B: Ok mommy. Less talkie, more lickie.
Mr.N: *Starts laughing*

Well everyone, that’s all I’ve got for now. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll write about how much I suck at bowling, and my brand new bowling shoes. Or maybe I’ll blog about our ill-fated trip to the zoo. Or maybe I’ll finally write about my trip to Phoenix back in March!! I guess you’ll have to tune in tomorrow for “The adventures of Webmiss & Bert©”