The Adventures of Webmiss & Bert©


The More Things Change…The More They Stay The Same.

I culled through my blogroll today. There were several bloggers who moved on from the virtual world and no longer post updates or very specifically stated that they were going off-line for their writing. I feel a bit melancholy about the whole thing. These were people who I feel I developed friendships with through their blogs. I shared in their successes and their failures, I was embroiled in the minutia of their daily lives that they freely shared on the internet. That might sound silly. You might be wondering, “How can you be friends or maintain a friendship with anyone you’ve never met in real life?”

I would answer that by saying there is freedom in getting to know someone online. I should know, that’s how I met my ex-husband as well as several other people I have been involved in personal relationships with. Often you can learn who the person is without prejudging them based on their looks, job, race, religion, salary, etc. You find things that you have in common with that person and through shared life experiences be they thousands of miles apart, you find yourself becoming friends.

On the flip-side of that, I think there is a freedom found in blogging. I sit anonymously behind my computer screen, utilizing a pseudonym for myself and my daughter to share details of our lives. I have met people, some of which who are still on my blogroll that I have connected with so thoroughly on so many levels that we have become friends in real life.

Blogging for me has always been an outlet. At times I have tried to keep a paper journal but several things tend to derail me from that path. I hate my handwriting, it’s a little more time-consuming than typing, and there is risk that someone in my household..ahem Mr. Nascar or Bert could find my journal and see the private thoughts that I have written about them.   As I use wordpress on my laptop it the risk is small that they would be able to find my online presence. I like the opportunity for people who are sharing similar experiences as me to comment and share their thoughts or advice. There is also something heady with seeing my writing “published” albeit only on a blogging website.

I would like to find other bloggers sites to read. If you come across my blog and keep your own, please don’t lurk. Take a moment to comment, say hello, and direct me to your online home. I’m always looking for new things to read.

Speaking of reading. I have an ebook. A Sony eReader to be exact. I’ve had it almost 3 years, actually I purchased it on my first ever trip to Las Vegas that I wrote about in my previous entry. I. Love. It! What I love the most is that I have access to a whole library of books at all times. No more having to carry around several novels while I am on vacation or travelling for work. Once I finish a book, I go back to my e-library where I have downloaded 100’s of books and I pick another to read. Most books that I have on my ebook I have paid for. Most are some of my favorite authors such as Nora Roberts (writing as JD Robb), Catherine Coulter, James Patterson, and more. My sister sends me recommendations of new books to read all the time. She has much more eclectic tastes than I have, which often causes me to branch out a bit from my normal reading habits to read some series’ that were trending such as 50 Shades of Grey, The Hunger Games, and The Maze Runner.

I am able to connect through the Sony Reader software on my computer and find books that they are offering for free. Often they are books from aspiring writers, or people who have just been published. Sometimes these books are truly duds. Other times, I find a rare diamond among the rough.

I love the Murder by the Month series by Jess Lourey. The books are a quick read, and the characters are lovable. Mira, the main character that made me laugh out loud with her quirky colloquialisms and her gift for calling it as she sees it.

Another great find was the Ivy Malone series by Lorena McCourtney. Ivy Malone is wonderful grandmotherly character who believes that at her advanced age she has somewhat become invisible to the younger generation. This leads her to get into some very precarious situations.

A series that I am in the process of finishing (and would highly recommend) is The Iron Fey series by Julie Kagawa. Although these books are from the Young Adult genre I found myself sucked right in to the series. Julie blends familiar fantasy figures such as Robin Goodfellow, King Oberon, and Queen Titania with a new breed of fey that are bred from humans love of and dependence on technology. The writing is sophisticated and the characters have depth. You find yourself living the adventures right alongside the characters.

I do love that I also have access to public library books. My local library has a website that allows me to loan up to 15 ebooks at one time. I just received notification that The Life of Pi is waiting for me to download. They are making a movie of this book, that I believe is already out in theatres. I have also started the Sookie Stackhouse books, on which the TV series “Trueblood” is based and I am filling up valuable time reading the Lord John Grey series by Diana Gabaldon as I wait for the next installment in the Outlander series.

As you can see, I have a voracious appetite for reading. Most evenings will find me tucked up in bed with a book before I fall asleep. I hope that if you come across my blog that you will check out some of these terrific authors and their wonderful books. Please also feel free to give me suggestions on new reads as I am always looking to expand my horizons.

TTYL,

Webmiss


Webmiss, two years later…two years older…none the wiser!

WordPress tells me that I haven’t written a new blog post in 2 years, 3 months. Wow! It certainly feels a little rusty sitting down at the keyboard to write. Life has just…gotten the best of me I guess. I don’t have anything but excuses to give for why I haven’t been blogging. Work, motherhood, relationships, housework…the list goes on and on.

I don’t really want to do a recap of all the things that have happened in the last two years. I probably couldn’t give an accurate account if I tried. I turned 30, and then subsequently turned 31 this past November. It has been a challenge for me to swallow the fact that I’m now in my 30’s. It positively blows my mind. I don’t feel thirty. I don’t think I act thirty. Thirty used to feel so OLD when I was younger. People in their thirties were decrepit. Thirty was synonymous with senior citizen in my book. Yet, now I am thirty, er thirty-one.

I think the part that bothered me the most, is that at thirty-one I don’t really feel like I have accomplished anything with my life. As I type this though, I acknowledge that this is the stupidest statement ever. I have been married and divorced. I have an amazing 9-year-old daughter. I have a job that I have invested almost 7 years in. I am a homeowner. I am in a long-term relationship. I believe I am a good person, filled with compassion and love for others. So you might be asking me. Why so glum, Webmiss? I think it’s because at this stage in my life, I had different plans for myself. It doesn’t matter what those plans were, because they aren’t. I need to accept that and move on. Making the most of the life that I do have.

Mr. Nascar and I are still together. We have been together 5 years now. That’s almost as long as my first marriage lasted! I feel that this is a huge accomplishment in itself, as I recognize that I am probably challenging to live with. I am stubborn, demanding, passionate, and somewhat neurotic. Yet, through it all, Mr. Nascar has never given up on me. In fact, dear readers, I find that Mr. Nascar has finally asked me to marry him. Of course, Bert© and I had to cajole him into it as he is definitely a creature of habit and prone to complacency. Mr. Nascar & I are thrilled though, to be taking this next step in life together and I look forward to sharing more details on my blog soon. A date for the nuptials has not yet been set, so I will include a picture of my engagement ring to tide you over.

Engagement Ring

Engagement Ring

It’s a quiet Saturday morning at my house. I jumped online to pay a few bills and to plan a bit of a budget for the rest of the month. Mr. Nascar and I are taking off on vacation in February! My little sister is turning 30 and wants to have her birthday celebration in Las Vegas! I am very excited. The last time I was in Las Vegas…well what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas so I can’t talk about it.

Just kidding! It was almost 3 years ago. July of 2010. It was actually a working vacation. Mr. Nascar moved a family from here in Tennessee out to Las Vegas. We both ended up driving separate U-haul trucks to get all this stuff out to Nevada. It was quite the adventure. Needless to say, the majority of our vacation time was spent travelling out to Las Vegas so there wasn’t much time to explore. This time however, I will be wreaking havoc on Las Vegas for 6 glorious days! My sister has planned that we will all be staying at the Planet Hollywood Hotel & Casino.

More to come later. For now, it’s time for breakfast!


There’s just something magical about it.

It’s that time of year again. School is back in session, it’s getting dark earlier, the temperatures are dropping in the evenings…and the Tennessee Valley Fair is in town!

I have such wonderful memories from when I was a kid of going to the fair. I think the anticipation was part of it. Trying to behave myself all day at school knowing where I was going that evening. My friends and I would start making plans on lunch about where we would meet up, what rides we were going to get on first, what games we wanted to play. Oh my, the nostalgia of all this is making me so heartsick for my carefree youth.

The great thing is, that even today the fair still holds a kind of magical hold on my heart.

I love now that I get to have a different perspective on the fair. Bert© has the same enthusiasm for the fair that I have and I love watching her experience it all.

On Monday afternoon we pulled Bert© out of school early and headed down to Chillhowee park where they hold the fair. You could smell it before you even saw it; popcorn, corn dogs, pizza, funnel cakes, BBQ, roasting hotdogs, oh my! You could hear the whooshing air noises of the rides before you could see them. Screams of delight and fear filled the air. People of all ages and sizes strolled up and down the walkway between the food vendors area and the midway. Carnival game workers called out offering a free try to win one of their prizes. Lights were flashing on all the different rides, and music was playing loudly at each different stall. I swear that my head was about to pop off it was whipping around so quickly to look at everything.

My favorite ride is and always has been the Tilt-A-Whirl. I love that it has not changed a bit since I was a kid. You can look at the Tilt-A-Whirl and know exactly what to expect, 7 little pods that will spin independently on a larger platform that is also spinning around. The great thing about it is that you can control how quickly your pod spins by shifting your weight in the direction it is leaning. If we know anything about, Webmiss…it’s that I love to be in control. I think Bert© and I rode the Tilt-A-Whirl 3 or 4 times that night. It made my heart soar to hear her laughing with delight as we whirled around. “Mommy, this is the best day ever!” is what she kept saying. I love that I’m right there with my daughter making memories that will last her a life time!

This is the first year that Bert© has been tall enough to ride all the rides. Years past there have been things that we have had to pass up due to her diminutive size. The one ride she was dying to try was the Bumper Cars. Yes, Bert© has been able to ride in the bumper cars before, however this is the first time she was able to operate one by herself. We each selected individual cars and delighted in bumping the crap out of one another. We were laughing so hard I could barely see where I was driving!

We made our way around the midway stopping to let Bert© ride anything she wanted. I occasionally would have to put my foot down and tell her that Mommy wouldn’t be joining her because I’m a big fat CHICKEN! I wont ride anything that goes too fast, turns upside down, or spins too fast. I know, I’m pathetic.

Together Bert© and I rode the Carousel and the Scrambler…another two of my favorite rides. We stopped to share a corn dog & a funnel cake and then continued on, covered slightly in powdered sugar. We laughed at the sheep and the baby goats in the petting zoo, Bert© bounced on the giant inflatable gorilla.

Overall a wonderful, magical time was had by all, including Mr. Nascar! He didn’t ride any of the rides with us because of the issues he’s been having lately with his back, he did however snap a few fuzzy pictures of us on his camera phone that I will now share with you all!

If you can find a local fair in your I would highly recommend you go! Hope you have as much fun as we did.


Favorites

I love music! Actually I think that might be an understatement. I’ve found a few new favorites that I’d love to share with you, and I would love for other bloggers to share their favorite music with me.

I’m going to go home and download this from iTunes. I hate that these people had to experience this but they made a damn catchy song out of it!

I’m also in love with Katy Perry’s new song, Teenage Dream. I can’t embed the video but you can click through to youtube.com to view it.


Warm Summer Nights

Time is passing so quickly! Bert© is now a 2nd grader and will turn 7 (yes s-e-v-e-n!!) this coming Sunday.

I haven’t had the time or inclination for blogging lately. I do need to post an update and really should make time to blog about the everyday things as well, not just showing up here every couple of months and purging via the written word. I haven’t kept up well with anyone’s blogs and have neglected to comment even when I have read the latest post.

This one is going to be short and sweet. I’ll leave you with a couple of pictures of Bert©’s newest passion – ballet!

As you can see from the 2nd picture, she definitely has her mother’s balance. Her first class was this past Tuesday night and I have to say she tried very hard to keep up and pay attention to what the teacher was saying/showing. Both Mr. Nascar & I were very proud of her!

I know I’m biased but I just have to say it…I made a pretty baby!


And the meek shall inherit the earth

Meek I am most definitely not.

Apparently sticking to my guns with TheEx paid off!
Mr. Nascar, Bert©, and I were heading home from a trip to Wal*Mart. We were very excited about all the new gardening stuff that we picked up when I received the following text message:

Can you take Bert© to Nashville? K would fly with her.

Why yes, yes we can! That is MUCH more reasonable a trip for us than driving 4 states & 1 time zone away. Plus there is plenty of fun stuff that we can do in Nashville so Mr. Nascar and I can make it a kidlet free weekend!
The plan at this point is that NewWife would bus down from Sioux Falls to Nashville and spend the night depending on flight times. Then NewWife would take Bert© and they would fly back to SD together. Once the 3 week visit is over, Bert© and NewWife would fly back to Nashville and then NewWife would bus back to Sioux Falls. Why TheEx isn’t doing all this travelling, I have no idea.

I offered them the opportunity to front us the money for gas and a hotel room and we would meet them half way again. He declined that idea saying they will just do it the way they suggested. OK with me 😀 !

Does anyone know the legalities of a minor flying with someone who is not their legal guardian? If I provide her with a notarized letter saying I give her permission to travel with Bert© do you think that would be sufficient?

In other news, Mr. Nascar has finally been working a little bit. His business is slowly picking up. He had 5 jobs booked for the month of March and already has 3 booked for April. I am trying to build him a website to help promote his business, but it’s much harder to come up with content than I thought it would be. Thank goodness for www.webs.com as their site builder has been EASY as pie. About as easy as blogging LOL!

The weather is FINALLY getting better. We have had 3 sunny days in a row and the temps have been up in the 70’s. I always feel so much better when the weather is good. I moved away from Seattle to leave the dreary weather behind me, unfortunately I think Mother Nature is confused about where I live now.

Bert© is on Spring Break from school next week and I am stoked. I have something planned almost every night of the week.

Monday I’m going to go to happy hour with some of the girls from work. Yay!

Tuesday I’m going to a bar in the Old City to catch the improv group Einstein Simplified.  I have wanted to see these guys forever. They feature Knoxville’s favorite quirky local radio personality, Frank Murphy from Star102.1 FM. He is part of the morning show trio of Mark & Kim & Frank. They are hysterical to listen to and I can’t wait to see Frank in all his glory live. It’ll be my luck if this coming Tuesday he isn’t participating!

Wednesday I’m going to go bowling. I stink at bowling, but I have so much fun. However I ROCK at bowling on the wii.

Thursday I’m going to participate in a ceramics class at a place called Ceramic Korner. Bert© had a birthday party there last Saturday and they had a blast. They offer classes for adults every Thursday showing them how to paint different ceramics. I think it’ll be lots of fun.

Friday I’m not sure, it’s still open at this point. Maybe date night with Mr. Nascar. Oh, or maybe a movie! Oh so many possibilities!

Saturday/Sunday I’m going to go up to my mom’s house to see Bert© and to help mom clean out my step-fathers closet. I think she’s ready to take that step to help her move on in the grief process.

That’s all for now, wish I had more time. I need to tell you guys about my new business opportunity. I’m so excited about it.

Stay tuned!


The one in which I rant like a crazy woman

I need some verbal diarrhea time today everyone, please excuse me in advance.

TheEx is making me CRAZY!

Did you get the point?

CRAZY!

He called on Sunday and asked if Bert© could come up sometime in June to South Dakota to visit with him. He asked for 3 weeks. I agreed and told him I would check our schedules and let him know which weeks would work best for us and we could negotiate from there.

I didn’t think much of it after that, but checked with my mother to see what plans she had for Bert© this summer. She said she had swimming lessons scheduled in late July but that was about it. I told her about the request for June and she said that was fine she wouldn’t plan anything for Bert© that month.

So last night the following text message discussion occurred (spelling & punctuation will be repeated verbatim):

TE: Does june work or?

Me: 06/03 thru 07/04? She has a girl scout function 4 the end of the year on 6/12. How r u planning on getting her up there?

TE: When does school get out?

Me: Not sure. I’d have 2 check the school calendar. I think end of May.

TE: Was thinking same as last time for getting her.

*Side note* (Last year Mr. Nascar & I drove 550 miles to Peoria, IL to meet with TheEx and exchange Bert©. That was the basic 1/2 way point between our two houses)

Me: We’ll have 2 talk about that. I’ll check the school calendar & get back w/you.

TE: Soonerytie better as k (NewWife…name spelled wrong in text message no less) only has so long to put in for time off.

TE: Those dates should work, june 13 to july 4

Me: School ends May 24th this year. We’d like 2 request that you make arrangements to get her up there & back. Either by coming & getting her or flying her up there.

TE: What is wrong with the way before? it would be about 3-4 days round trip each time.

Me: To be honest we don’t have the extra money right now. We also feel that since ur not contributing financially to her upbringing right now that it’s fine 4 u 2 see her, but we wont share the financial burden 4 that.

TE: do you think we are well off? you are being very unreasonable

Me: I don’t think that’s being unreasonable @ all. 3 weeks is more than what is allotted in our parenting plan & I’m allowing her to travel out-of-state 2 visit w/u. Divorce papers say ur 2 come 2 TN. I hope u don’t think we’re well off either.

TE: Well you bought a house, we are On food stamps.

Me: You don’t know what it took 4 us 2 buy a house. Please stop holding that over my head.

TE: your using it as an excuse. i would think you would want her to see me and her sister and be accordingly flexible.

At this point my blood was boiling. All of this occurred thankfully after Bert© was in bed because I was fuming and almost yelling back at the phone. I took a breather to wash my face and to collect my thoughts, then I picked up the phone and called him. I was very calm and very polite. I told him it was stupid to try to discuss this by text message and that we needed to talk it out. I reminded him that our divorce paperwork specifically says that he is to have two weeks per year with Bert© and that he must come to TN to visit with her and cannot take her more than 50 miles from my residence.

*Extended side note* Last year, I decided that I would allow her to travel to South Dakota and visit with him. He initially asked for a month and I told him no. She was only 5 at the time and had never been so far away from home. The visit last year went well and was ultimately a very positive experience so I have no qualms about her going back up there and spending 3 weeks as long as they have appropriate arrangements  for her care if they have to work and/or go to school.

He was ranting about how I’m trying to withhold Bert© from him just because of money. That I think he might have a secret stash somewhere and this is my way of ferreting it out. I don’t know what in the hell he was going on about but I think he’s a lunatic. He has not paid me a dime in child support since July of last year. He is in school full-time but cannot seem to find a job to help support his new family, hence the fact that they are apparently on food stamps. He was whining about how he doesn’t get finished with school until 5pm some days and then he comes home to take care of the baby because K sometimes doesn’t get off from work until 7pm or later.

WELL WELCOME TO THE F’ING REAL WORLD!

Whose decision was it to move to South Dakota? Whose decision was it to get remarried & have a baby? Whose decision was it to go back to school?

It sure as hell wasn’t mine. I’m still in TN. I didn’t run away. I have done everything in my power to raise a wonderful, well-rounded, intelligent child. I have leaned on friends and family to help me make ends meet and to help me buy simple things like clothes for OUR daughter because he isn’t here to help. Mr. Nascar has now spent more time with Bert© than her own father has. He has stepped in where TheEx has failed.

I work full time. I don’t get off till 4:30 every day. I ferry Bert© back and forth from Open Library to girl scouts to church, and anywhere else that she needs to go to help her have a balanced life. I run a home AND now am trying to get a business started to bring in a little extra money as Mr. Nascar hasn’t worked in MONTHS. I know how busy life can get, but that is NO excuse for neglecting your child. He only calls her once or twice a month and really never bothers with her unless its convenient for him.

Just writing about this today has gotten me angry all over again. He ended up hanging up on me last night and I just left it at that. I don’t feel that I am being unreasonable. It is NOT my place to facilitate a relationship between him and Bert©. He has not paid child support in more than 6 months so why should I be partially financially responsible for visitation?

I’m not saying he can’t see her, I’m not telling him that he must come to TN, and yet I am somehow the bad guy in all this. I don’t get it, I really don’t.


What did you say?

I have that song by Jason Derulo – Whatcha Say –  stuck in my head. It’s really beginning to make me think I’m going to go crazy. Is it just me, or is this a song about a guy who cheated on his lady and is trying to get back with her? If you’re not familiar with the song, I’ll add the video to my post so you all can have it stuck in your head along with me!

You’re welcome!


Greetings from Mr. Phat


No news is good news, right?

Well, I’ve signed all the paperwork to get the mortgage in the works. It’s supposed to go for under writing sometime this week. We’re only about 30 days from actually closing and owning a home. Mr. Nascar has been very excited and has all kinds of plans. I am less excited. I keep waiting for them to come back and tell us it’s not going to go through. I told him I wont be excited until my hand cramps from signing my name on all the papers at closing.

The landlord called and mentioned that his brother is looking for a place to live. He wanted to know what our plans were, since we had mentioned to him that we had a contract on a house. I had hoped for a little more time before needing to make a decision. However I talked it over with Mr. Nascar and he said we should just go ahead and move even if something happens and we don’t get the house. Where we live right now is just way too small for the 3 of us. I need to remember to call him back this evening and tell him we’ll be out of the house regardless by the first of the year.

Mr. Nascar has been working like a crazy person lately. He works his regular job Monday through Friday and now even has extra stuff to do on Sundays. He has just wrapped up working the Friday night high school football games, but is still working the Saturday college football games. He’s contracted for set up and game day next weekend, and then the following weekend will travel to Kentucky to work for E$PNU over THANKSGIVING for set up and game day for two football games.

To be honest, I’m very angry at him for agreeing to work over Thanksgiving weekend. This is our first “family” type holiday since he was released from prison. This time last year he was locked up and unable to celebrate with us. I just feel like his priorities and mine are in different universes right now. We did talk about it last night, and I understand that since he practically begged the guy at E$PN to work him on some out of town games, he feels like he might not be asked to help out again if he backs out of this one. I *could* go to KY with him, as I will be off 4 days for Thanksgiving, however part of the deal he has made to get to do this included his paying his own transportation costs. It takes 30-45 business days before he will be paid for this, so I’m not sure about spending the extra money just so I can travel out there with him and sit in a hotel all day long. Also, this will be the first major holiday my mom will be trying to celebrate without my step-father as he passed away very suddenly in June. I’m worried about her, really worried about her. I’m not sure if she’d want to come to KY with us, or if she just wants to stay home. I suppose asking her might be a good place to start.

I’m kind of pissed at myself to be honest. Why is it that this is such a big deal to me? Who says that Thanksgiving needs to be celebrated on November 26th? It’s on a completely different day up in Canada where I’m from anyway. Why couldn’t we just pick another weekend to celebrate together on? I feel like such an ass. Why can’t I just be happy that he’s working, and willing to work hard to support us and our lifestyle? Why can’t I just be happy that he’s not a fat slob just laying on the couch all day while I’m busting my butt at work? Why can’t I be happy that every other moment of the day when he’s not working he is at home? He doesn’t go out with his friends, he doesn’t spend time at the bar or strip club (like TheEx). Why can’t I just be content? Why is nothing ever good enough for me?

I don’t know the answers to those questions. Sometimes I feel like I’m literally going insane. I did have a long talk with Mr. Nascar last night. I feel good about the conversation we had. He was trying to empathize and understand where I’m coming from. He makes a good point when he reminds me that although we may have been together for 2 years now, we’ve only lived together 7 months and with him being gone to prison for 8 months, that’s a huge chunk of our “dating” time that he wasn’t around. We’re still getting to know each other. He’s still getting used to the idea that the things he does, the decisions he makes now effect two other people. I really don’t think that either of us is used to living with another person full time. Yes, I was married for almost 6 years, but TheEx was a truck driver and he would be gone for weeks at a time. That’s probably the only reason we were married as long as we were!

We both promised to try harder to put each other, and our relationship first. I took a big step today and decided to put my employer provided life benefits to work and I called and left a message to set up a counselling session. I don’t think that I’m dealing effectively with all the stress in my work life, and it is really interfering with my home life.  I certainly hope it helps, but I already feel better just from making the call to set up the appointment.

Thanks for listening!